


Surfboard

by FiccinDylan, spellwovennight



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Anal Sex, Big Bang Art, Big Bang Challenge, Bisexuality, Canon Convergent, Coming Out, Derek in Denial, Emotionally Constipated Derek, Enthusiastic Consent, Erica Feels, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Homophobia, M/M, Malia Doesn't Exist, Manipulative Peter, Oral Sex, Popsicles, Post-Canon, Rimming, Sex Toys, Sterek Haven Big Bang, Sterek Haven Big Bang Art, halehey feels, including daige/kerek/draeden, lots of talking about feelings, or - Freeform, reckless misappropriation of beyonce lyrics, references to derek's past relationships, surfboard is an allegory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-12
Updated: 2015-07-12
Packaged: 2018-04-08 21:43:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4321845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiccinDylan/pseuds/FiccinDylan, https://archiveofourown.org/users/spellwovennight/pseuds/spellwovennight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek Hale is confident in 3 things: His station as beta in the McCall pack, his control over his wolf traits, and his ability and desire as a red blooded heterosexual were to carry on the Hale line.  </p><p>Then one day Stiles Stilinski walks around the loft wearing a wig.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I've Been Thinkin'

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! This is what the big absense has been about. This story oddly ended up having a lot more feels than anticipated and means a lot to me. I hope you enjoy it! Big shout out to Maggie aka spellwovennight for her fantastically whimsical art. She is a true talent and I'm so glad we got to work together for this collaboration! Her art is embedded in the posts and all 3 pics will be in the end notes of the final chapter. Thank you, Maggs!
> 
> More shout outs to Dan and Jenny of course and Eli who amazingly read my story in the 9th hour and left wonderful notes. 
> 
> Another shout out to all the members of the Sterekhaven Big Bang group who cheered and pushed and were just absolute delights during the whole process! I had a major personal matter happen that stalled my writing for a very long time. The group was open and nice as though I hadn't disappeared for 3 months and for that I will always be grateful.
> 
> Anyhow, the title and chapters are based off of Lyrics from Drunk in Love. I have several reasons, but none of them make any sense so just go with it.
> 
> Thanks again for tuning in! Enjoy!

The woman at the pool table in front of him lines up her shot and takes her sultry sweet time doing it. Derek can see the ample curve of her buttocks as she adjusts her stance, finding the perfect position to rack up. She turns around to grab her cue and flicks her eyes over to where Derek is watching. She winks with a sly smile. Derek grimaces and turns away.

“I don’t even know why you looked, she’s lounge trash and completely not your type.” The nosy blond beside him says. She sneers as the disappointed woman scowls and turns back to the pool table.

Derek chuckles, “Erica,” he starts, not even bothering to look at his boldest and most opinionated packmate. She wasn’t a beta anymore, she was actually kind of part of another pack now, but she refused to leave his side, he refused to let her. “this is a jazz lounge, there’s no such thing as lounge trash in a jazz lounge.”

It’s the kind of place Peter would approve of for Derek to start trying to find his mate. Dimly lit, but not seedy. The music was sultry, but the air was clear and several women came in to relax with a glass of wine and good tunes. If he wanted, Derek was sure he could find a perfectly lovely mate here. Not that he was ready. Even though it’d been years since his last loss, everything still felt stunted, like time moved forward, but Derek hasn’t. It’s been said that time heals all wounds, but Derek doesn’t want to be healed just yet. Healing makes you forget.

“Earth to Derek! You’re missing some prime tail over here with all your spaciness! Pay attention!” Derek rolls his eyes and looks to where he’s sure Erica wants his attention. Standing by the entrance is a group of young college aged guys, all tall and athletic, like they’re part of a team or fraternity. They’re clearly waiting on some sort of dates and they amble about, talking boisterously to one another. One looks at Derek with piercing brown eyes and a dimpled chin. Derek nods politely and turns away.

“What’s wrong with him?! C’mon Derek, invite him over, buy him a drink.” Erica persists. Derek rolls his eyes again.

“First off, he’s not gay, and for some unfathomable reason I have to keep reminding you that I’m not either. Besides I’m not really interested in talking to anyone tonight.” Derek swirls the ice around in the bottom of his glass and motions to the bartender for another.

“Not like I wanted a refill or anything.” Erica tuts as she slumps on the stool beside him.

“Not like they would serve you here anyway.” Derek shrugs while Erica humphs.

“Anyhow, it’s not about being gay or straight, it’s about love Derek, and finally seeing you make out with a hot guy!” Erica looks back over to the guy who keeps sneaking looks in Derek’s direction. “He’s totally into you, Derek. There’s nothing wrong with a quick make-out session.”

Derek considers his new drink and sighs. Erica wasn’t ever going to understand, but for some reason he could never stop talking to her about it.

“Erica, my life has a very specific plan. I settle down with a lovely shewolf or human lady; have kids, and work on rebuilding the Majestic Hale Pack.” He says this as he puts his hands up to form the marquee. “I’m not looking for some untoward make-out session, I’m looking for an eternal mate.” Derek sips his drink as Erica spins in her stool and rolls her eyes.

“Then why the fuck are you even here!?”

“Erica! Language, this is a fancy fucking place, dammit!” Erica huffs out a laugh as Derek takes a sip from his drink with his pinky up. He grins and continues. “Besides, I’m not really ready to start finding my mate, but I figure, you know… fake it till you make it, right?” Derek chances a peek towards Erica whose smug smirk is belying her supposed grumpiness..

“But Derek,” she says, motioning towards the guy. Derek turns and looks again as Erica leans in close. “He’s super hot. Look at those eyes!” Derek huffs and stands up, pulling out a few bills placing them on the bar.

“I’ve seen better eyes.”

Erica’s jaw drops as Derek walks away and out of the lounge to his car. Erica does this everytime they go out; it’s a wonder he even bothers even going out anymore because he knows it’ll be more of the same.

Derek will look for a beautiful potential woman and Erica will point out every insanely attractive guy there as counterpoint. Derek’s not terribly offended of course, she’s got great taste and all the guys are objectively attractive, it’s just not his preference. Erica knows that Derek has a plan and he has to stick to that if he wants to rebuild the Hale Legacy and make up for… well, if he wants to move _past_ the past.

Besides, Derek _has_ seen prettier eyes. Jennifer had lovely mud brown eyes, but her personality ended up being just as dirty. The guy at the bar’s eyes actually reminded him of Stiles’ eyes, but they were missing that persistent sparkle that Stiles’ always had. At first glance they could come off as an unassuming brown, but Stiles’ eyes always looked like they were full of bon mots. Tales of crystal decanted whiskey, or honeyed diamonds; they were full of mischief and curiosity. Stiles always remarked about their plainness and would dismiss them in favor of Derek’s own green/hazel/silver orbs. Derek had to remind Stiles that he couldn’t look into his own eyes without a mirror and that would look weird on a daily basis, especially when he could just look at Stiles’. Of course Stiles would blush and joke it off, but he never was scared to make eye contact with Derek after that.

While in the car on the way home Derek gets a text reminder about a pack meeting the next night. Of course his loft has been commandeered for it and Stiles likes to send a reminder a day in advance so Derek can prepare. It’s nice of him to do so.

‘ _And dude, if you get some Better Cheddars and cream cheese tonight I’ll so continue to be your best friend!_ ’ Derek grins at the rest of the text. He knows for a fact that although Stiles loves the snack, he feels like it’s a grandmas type of thing that maybe they keep baggies of in their _pocketbooks_ alongside unwrapped butterscotch candies and semi melted Andes mints. So of course he makes Derek buy it.

While at a stop light Derek texts back.

‘ _I’ll take care of it. And I’m less concerned about remaining your best friend and more about Ethel lashing out at me for buying the last box._ ’ Stiles sends back a line of laughing emojis followed by, _‘thanks for taking one for the team!_ ’

Ethel was their friendly neighborhood grocer/everybody’s grandmother. When Stiles would buy things like witch hazel or epsom salt, she’d accost Stiles and ramble for the next 20 minutes about ‘the good ole days’.

“One time she did it when I bought q-tips, Derek! Everyone buys q-tips, right? That’s not an old people thing. How are young people supposed to wash their ears?” It seemed it was only young people with seemingly anachronistic purchases that caught Ethel’s attention. Usually this was Stiles and Derek, though she started talking to Derek less and less. He was firmly in his twenties -early twenties even- but he supposed maybe the complications of life aged him a little.

“That and your super mountain man beard that gets those little grey hairs that you know you want me to pluck, dude, but I never will because I think it makes you look distinguished.” Stiles would say while petting Derek’s face playfully, “That thing makes you look like you have at least two grandchildren, but don’t worry they’re infants.” And Derek would always sigh. Why were he and Stiles such good friends again?

“Because you’ve saved each other’s lives multiple times and you’re crazy in love with each other but too stupid to admit it so you play this game where you’re basically best friends but you flirt.. I mean _spar_ with each other and then later go work out your sexual tension by yourself in a long leisurely shower that I can’t hear, but you know damn well I can smell!” Erica grouses. Derek concentrates on the road in front of him as he pulls into the parking lot of the minimart, and not on the cackling red stained lips of his incessant partner in crime in the passenger seat.

“You know, I can just let you out here and you can just stay.. _forever_.” Derek warns, which only causes Erica to laugh harder.

“Yeah right, boss man, you’d be lost without me. I’ll only leave when you’re ready.”

“And what determines when I’m ready?” Derek wonders, mostly to himself.

Erica shrugs, “I’m sure it’ll be a big, very important and meaningful sign. Or maybe once they get done building those new condos over by the beach. I could definitely see leaving your ass for one of those.”

“And just who would pay for this?” Derek raises an eyebrow, already knowing it would be him.

“You would, silly, and I’d let you come visit whenever… well, we’d probably have to make a schedule.” Derek laughs this time and shakes his head, but then settles quickly.

“Y-you think you’re ready to live by yourself? I mean, without-” He doesn’t look at her, but can feel her shrug.

She says in a quiet voice, “I don’t know, but there’s only one way to find out.”

Derek gets out of the car and goes into the minimart, thoughtful about the nature of letting go and moving on. He was pulling certain essentials off the shelf and remembered Stiles’ requested snack before heading towards the register where only Ethel is on duty. He’s confident, but decides to get reinforcements just in case. He goes back and grabs a box of peanut brittle. Back at the counter Ethel’s eyes light up.

“Brittle! Oh what’s a young man like you doing with an old thing like this? I’m surprised you kids even know about brittle anymore. And _Better Cheddars_? I thought you’d be all about the _Cheez-its_. You know when I was a little girl…” Derek settles in and grins, happy he’d taken the time to trim his beard back before going out that evening.


	2. Foreplay in the Foyer

“Stiles, here, try on this wig for me.” Lydia Martin pulls out a copper colored wig and thrusts it in Stiles’ general direction while continuing to rummage through her bags. Stiles holds a plate of nachos in one hand and the wig in other, looking around the room as though making sure he’s not the only one living this waking nightmare.

“Uhh… _what_?” Stiles tries to appear put out, but no one is paying attention to this obvious… well, it’s not an offense _exactly_ , but it’s also not the norm. Stiles’ eyes dart around the room as though asking ‘ _Why is everyone acting like this is normal?_!’ Kira is helping Lydia empty her bags while Mason and Liam push each other around playing some video game. Scott, being the consummate best friend, is actually looking in Stiles’ direction, but Stiles can’t even give him a check in the best bro category since Scott is mainly fixed on the nachos.

“Dude, you gonna eat those, or…?” Stiles rolls his eyes and hands Scott the plate while once again considering the wig. Derek snorts softly from across the room.

Normally this would be about the time where Derek would roll his eyes and leave, but he knows that Lydia Martin gets what Lydia Martin wants and right now Lydia Martin wants Stiles in a wig and Derek’s not too averse to seeing that happen. Stiles spends the better part of his day being a little shit so Derek enjoys seeing his feathers ruffled.

Derek tries to play off his snort as being related to something in the book he’s pretending to read. Stiles cocks an eyebrow, but evidently has chosen to ignore the beta’s unusual (albeit well-timed) outburst.

“Stiles! Time is money, put on the wig so I can see how it lays!” Lydia looks at Stiles as though her exasperation at his general sense of _himness_ should be obvious. “While it’s on we’re going to wet it and maybe cut it? C’mon, giddyup!” Lydia takes out a wig cap and walks towards Stiles who is backing away to the couch.

Stiles - _completely affronted, now_ \- finally finds his voice, “Lydia, no!” He doesn’t throw the wig away, but instead shakes it accusingly at the strawberry blond pillar of disinterest in front of him.

“First of all, I’m a BOY, Lydia. And while I don’t have a problem eschewing gender norms, I gotta say that it does something to my neanderthalish sense of maleness that I have to keep reminding you of that!”

Derek snorts again, this time drawing looks from most of the room. Derek looks up, clears his throat and then points to his book. “Arthur Rimbaud. Very troubled, but also _quite_ the rapscallion.” He says with a smirk. The rest of the loft roll their eyes and look away, but Stiles’ eyes stay trained on Derek who draws his attention back to his book. Derek knows it’s a waiting game until Stiles looks away, but it’s one he’s ready and willing to play.

Derek and Stiles have always had this push and pull between them and Derek knows one of Stiles’ greatest pleasures is trying to outwit and outsmart him. Although Derek hates to admit that this has happened on far too many occasions, every now and again an opportunity presents itself to fuck with Stiles and the werewolf would be remiss if he didn’t take it. Egging on Lydia to dress Stiles in drag? Is definitely an opportunity.

“Stiles, you’re a jackass.” Lydia snaps while snatching the wig from Stiles’ grip while his attention is pulled. “No one is saying you’re a girl, you just have features that are more… amenable to wig shaping!” Lydia fixes the wig cap on Stiles’ head while Stiles levels her with a forlorn glare and Scott muffles a snicker into a cheesy nacho. Stiles puts both of his hands on his hips and cocks his waist to the side.

“What does that even mean?” He asks, almost as a challenge. Kira smiles between the two gently as she grabs a nacho from Scott’s plate.

“Umm.. not to add insult to injury, but your ‘ _pre-teen girl at the mall taking pictures_ ’ stance isn’t really helping your case. I really want you to model my new leggings and have you stretch out my heels while you’re here.” She says looking him assessingly up and down. She blushes slightly when she finally sees Stiles’ dropped jaw and incredulous expression. “But in a manly way!” Kira adds, hoping it will sooth Stiles’ nerves as she holds up a yellow pair of pumps. She looks at Stiles with such hopeful sincerity that he almost agrees until he hears yet ANOTHER grunt from the reading corner of the loft.

“Dammit Derek, you’re not even reading _Total Eclipse_ so stop acting like you’re not invested in this!” Derek huffs and closes his book before looking at Stiles’ pleading eyes, “Use your werewolfy senses and validate that I am brimmeth over with testosterone! Can you PLEASE tell these girls that I am a boy and thus am not naturally qualified to try on wigs and tights and stretch heels! I’m a boy, dammit! I have hair in my pits and on my arms and legs and a little on my chest!” Stiles peters out at the end and Lydia laughs as Kira tries to slyly hide the new lipstick she purchased that afternoon.

“Whatever Stiles, without the miracle of lasers and creams, I’d have hair in those places too.” Stiles may give a little snarl at that, but thankfully everyone (even Derek) has the good sense to ignore it. “And yes, I know you’re a boy, don’t think we’ve forgotten that obvious struggle beard you attempted last year.”

At this, the whole loft erupts into laughter and begins to tease Stiles about the patchy nonsense that graced his face the year prior. While Derek could see that while Stiles was taking it well, there was a soft undercurrent of hurt to his scent, indication it was still bothering him a bit. It was one thing for Derek and Stiles to poke at each other, but Derek knows Stiles doesn’t like to feel piled on. He has a hard time feeling vulnerable, even around his friends. Derek shrugs.

“I didn’t mind the beard actually, I think it looked good.” Stiles grins a bit sheepishly and watches Derek as though waiting for him to continue. Derek sighs into the silence, “It could have used a little trimming, but overall it was nice and soft. It suited you.” Stiles furrows his brow slightly, his amber eyes flitting towards the floor. Derek rolls his hazel eyes heavily and exhales.

“Jesus Christ, Stiles! I’m not going to no homo your beard, you know I’m not gay!” Derek pours his attention back into his book as a confused silence falls over the loft. Derek ignores the spike of dubiety that wafts through the loft and only looks up again when he hears Stiles laughing. He looks up and sees the boy making duck lips and swinging his head back and forth as the copper strands wisp around his cheeks.

“Scotty, how hot am I?” Stiles says as he hollowed his cheeks and bats his lashes at the amused alpha.

“So hot, bro!” The boys titter and Scott shifts an eye to Derek who is now fixated on Stiles practicing his runway walk in the middle of the loft. “But you know, dude. No homo!” The loft once again erupts into laughter this time at Derek’s perplexed expense. Derek sighs and finally gets up to go into the kitchen. Stiles pouts.

“Oh Derek, c’mon! I’m totally fuckable like this, but it’s okay because no homo! No homo, Derek!” Derek considers pouring mountain ash into his ears as he pulls some milk from the fridge and sits at the table with his book.

He knows the whole thing was silly, they knew he wasn’t gay. And even if he were, it wouldn’t be a big deal, he was sure. Sure, werewolves were known for being very intimate, but not a lot of gay werewolves existed. Werewolves that wanted to breed always had mates of the opposite sex for procreation.

That’s what his Uncle Peter had taught him since he was a little boy, and even though Peter was being indefinitely detained, his words were still a strong presence in Derek’s life. Derek had an obligation, so he couldn’t be caught up in minor infatuations.

“Minor infatuation? Really? Is that what you’re calling it?” Derek didn’t have to look to see the smug grin on Erica’s face as she glides past the entrance to the kitchen. Derek huffs. Okay, sure, there were times that he thought about other guys. He wasn’t blind, he could pick out beauty in any gender, but everyone experiments in their heads and in college and when he’d spoken with Peter about it, Peter assured him it was just a phase. That he belonged with a nice shewolf and they could work together to rebuild the Hale line. Derek knew it was the right thing to do and he wanted to do right by his bloodline, especially since it was his fault… well, since he was all that was left.

So yeah, there were times he stared a little too long at say, Stiles’ ass, but that was because it was a nice ass and it was there. It didn’t mean that he wanted to mate it and claim and breed it, if it could even be bred. Derek wonders if male pregnancy is a thing in the werewolf world, and makes a mental note to ask Peter about it the next time he visits him in Eichen House, if his mind isn’t too far gone. The last few times started amicably enough, but always descended into incoherent and manic rambling. It’s been a long while since Derek’s last visit, and he wasn’t really looking forward to going back. He probably shouldn’t have been invested, but other than Cora whom he exiled back to South America for her safety, Peter was the only family he had left. He owes it to his uncle to keep him updated on his progress.

Stiles -still in the wig- walks into the kitchen presumably to throw away the now empty paper plate of nachos Scott devoured. He hovers around the table before finally taking a seat across from Derek. Derek looks up to see that Lydia has cut swooping bangs into the wig that Stiles was now brushing away from his face. The wig has highlights, many of which matched the clear topaz of Stiles’ eyes. Derek smiles softly to himself as Stiles blows a piece of hair out of his eyes and looks at the wolf directly.

“Lydia went on to explain that people like you and like Scott, you have one look that is unequivocally male. Before I could protest she went on to say that I have more androgynous features. Not that I look like a girl, but I have features that tie the two together beautifully. So you and Scott are one type of man, but me? I’m several types of everybody. I don’t know, she did a better job of making it sound cool.” Stiles shrugs and ducks his head shyly before sneezing the hair out of his nose and tucking it back behind his ear. “So I can rock the lumberjack manly man look AND model the shit out of processed yaki 4/27/30 which apparently is what this over stylized beaver pelt on my head is.”

“It brings out your eyes.” Stiles looks at Derek, surprised.

“What?” He asks as his cheeks began to turn a dusky red. Derek grins..

“Don’t fish, Stiles. You look stunning. The wig suits you just like the beard suited you. Lydia was right. You know I’m not gay, but I don’t feel uncomfortable letting you know that because I know you get what I mean.” Stiles nods and the corners of his mouth twitch up slightly. He puts both hands on the table face up and leans forward slightly.

“Derek, look. The only reason I’m saying this is because you’ve brought it up twice already and I just want to make sure we’re on the same page. I know you’re not... _gay_ , but you know that if you were, it’d be fine, right?” Stiles peers at Derek, his sparkling eyes large and nearly palpable with acceptance. Derek chuckles lowly, slightly confused.

“I don’t see why that-” he starts, but Stiles reaches forward and grabs his hand.

“I mean, we love _you_ , Derek. Just how you are, your sexuality doesn’t define you to us. I mean, hell, I’m bi and-” Stiles stops talking suddenly and takes long, deep breaths.

“Stiles?” Derek says, watching the boy carefully as he runs his thumb across the back of the boy’s still clenching hand. The realization of the situation comes to him suddenly, “Is that the first time you’ve said that to anyone?” Stiles swallows hard and nods.

“Shit, look at me. I’m supposed to be here to be strong and accepting for you and I just got my peanut butter all in your chocolate.” Derek lets out a genuine laugh which startles Stiles into a shocked giggle.

“First of all, Stiles. Don’t worry, I don’t care if you’re gay or straight or bi. I mean, I care that you’re being true to yourself and that you’re happy, I’m really proud of you. And for the record, although I appreciate it, the only reason I care that you know I’m straight is that I don’t want you trying to set me up with some random guys like-” Derek stops suddenly, there’s no way that Stiles knowing about Erica and her quest to find someone to pop Derek’s gay cherry is a good thing for Derek. He covers by clearing his throat and looks at Stiles, “I can’t really be bi or gay anyway, but I’ll always respect you.”

“Wait, what? What do you mean, you _can’t_ be bi or-” Stiles is interrupted by Scott who takes this moment to burst into the kitchen yelling for his friend. He takes a cursory glance at Derek and Stiles’ intertwined hands and leaves again. Derek lets go slowly before pushing Stiles towards the door.

“Get out there before Lydia thinks you’ve snatched her wig. Then get everyone out of here, I would like the loft to myself tonight.” Stiles looks at Derek as though he wants to say something else, but stops short.

“Hot date tonight?” Derek shakes his head and brusquely shoves Stiles through the kitchen door.

“ _Never_ any of your business.”

Derek didn’t have a hot date that night, but craved the peace and quiet when he could get it. He was happy that Scott was bonding their pack, but their penchant for meeting at Derek’s always meant hours of loud music, loud television, and loud students. And of course, Stiles, whose scent was even loud.

He thought back to their discussion, but mainly to how Stiles acted when he went back into the living room. He’d watched Stiles -still bewigged- barking orders to everyone as they fell in line obediently cleaning up their messes and waving goodbye to Derek on their way out. It wasn’t until Lydia left that she snatched the pseudo crown from atop Stiles’ head and roughed him up a little before leaving herself. Stiles was always is the last to leave, quickly surveying the area in case there was anything he missed. Seemingly satisfied he heads towards the door where Derek is standing, then he looks up at Derek, suddenly sheepish.

“Hey, thanks for being so cool about earlier. I’m gonna tell Scott and my dad tonight. Telling you oddly makes it feel a lot less stressful. But hey, if you ever want to talk, just hit me up, okay? I’ll make time.” Derek snickers and reaches forward to pull the wigcap from Stiles’ head.

“Shouldn’t I be saying that to you?” Derek presses the stocking cap into Stiles’ chest causing the boy to let out a pitiful little _oomph_. “You’re the one with the major sexual epiphany today.” Stiles grins, but his eyes seem to be searching Derek’s for something indescribable. Like he’s got a footnote he’s still forming and isn’t sure how to annotate it.

“Uhh, yeah. I guess it’s just me.” Derek placed a warm hand on Stiles’ shoulder and squeezes.

“Hey, don’t be like that. I know it feels like it’s you against the world, but you’re not alone. I appreciate your offer to talk and I’m sure I’ll take you up on that. And the same goes for you Stiles. You can come and talk to me anytime, okay? About anything.” Stiles blanches not only at the amount of Derek’s words, but also the sentiment. That and the uncharacteristic hug Derek drags him into is nearly enough to break the amazed boy. The hug is brief, but full; Derek can hear Stiles’ heart jumping all over the place and ironically it makes him feel settled and relaxed. He breathes in subtly and pats Stiles on the back. “Now get the fuck out of my loft.”

Stiles barks out a laugh and starts walking down the stairs.

“Such a dick.” he mutters in a tone that can only be picked up by supernatural ears.

“Did you just tell me to suck a dick, Stiles?” Derek knows he didn’t, but still gets a kick out of teasing the boy.

“No, I said you’re _such_ a dick. You’re straight, remember?” Stiles winks with both eyes at Derek as Derek rolls his own and goes back inside his loft.

“Oh, did loverboy leave already?” Erica comes down the stairs and sits on the couch next to Derek who ignores her and begins flipping through channels on the TV. He doesn’t mind Erica calling Stiles his loverboy. He was straight and confident in that, so the teasing never bothers him. It especially amuses him when it involves Stiles for some reason. It doesn’t matter though, he has to continue his family.

He wonders if Stiles would ever want that, or ever be able to have it. Derek copies the scoff he knows Stiles would give him at the implication that there was something he couldn’t do. He knows that Stiles will do whatever the hell he wants; hell, knowing Stiles he’d find a way to have kids himself. Then he could be with whoever he wanted. Derek thinks about that for a moment, thinks about what he wants.

He wants someone sexy and beautiful, sure and strong. Kate was sexy, Jennifer was hot like burning, but they were both homicidal maniacs hellbent on murder and destruction. Braeden was beautiful and not always cold, but she always seemed unsettled and restless Paige was beautiful. Paige was lovely and full of grace and sass. She was young and naive and he’d hurt her. He’d had to, but he thinks about how perfect she was before he’d gotten involved, before he burrowed his way into her heart, sealing her fate. Stiles reminds him of her. Smart, talented, beautiful… heart.

Derek continues flipping mindlessly through the channels before stopping on an episode of _Noah’s Arc_ replaying on Logo. Erica lets out a pleased whoop and settles in excitedly. She and Cora used to watch the show religiously while Derek and Boyd would pretend not to be completely drawn into the shenanigans.

“Maybe that’s what you need, Der? I got the only fine piece of age appropriate chocolate in all of Beacon Hills, but I’m sure if we go up to San Fran we can get some diversity up in that ass!” Derek doesn’t even try to stop the laugh as he thinks about where Erica gets the stuff she thinks about. She once made Derek and Boyd rank the men in hotness. Derek’s top were a tie between Junito and the titular Noah. Boyd said Alex which Erica accepted with a very solemn “I’m never gonna be able to compete with that, babe. He’s _too_ fabulous.” Boyd nodded and assured Erica that since he couldn’t have Alex, he guessed he’d settle for Erica. Erica beamed and Derek didn’t see them for the next six hours.

Three weeks after that an old enemy of the Hales resurfaced causing Derek, Cora, Erica, Boyd and the rest of the pack to go out and fight for their land and their lives. Most came back… some didn’t.

“I know you’re thinking about it, Derek. I always think of it too when we watch, but I think about how happy he was, you know? Not about.. the rest. I think about the good, you gotta do that too, okay?” Derek nods and thinks about happier things, or just, different, distracting things. Alex is on the screen trying to create a romantic night for Trey and Derek wonders which of these guys Stiles would think were hot. He guesses Ricky, which is the obvious choice, but he thinks Stiles might have something for Noah himself. With that gorgeous skin and sweet demeanor. The actor obviously took amazing care of his body and Derek was sure that this is someone that Stiles would be into. But maybe he’s more into the gruffer and more stubborn Wade? The girls always teased Derek that he was the Wade, and if Stiles were into that then… Derek smiles to himself as he lays back on the couch, watching the episode on mute.

“How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy this on mute!?” Erica yells right before going quiet at the dance club scene on the screen. There are lots of beautiful men voguing for their lives and Erica has already tuned Derek out before he can form an answer. He starts talking anyway.

“It’s a good one Erica; Noah and Wade make out during the church hat fashion show and Ricky gets a straight guy to sleep with him but then develops feelings, and Alex got mad at Trey for not noticing him trying to be romantic, but then they made up.” Derek keeps his eyes trained on the TV, knowing that Erica is flipping him off for reciting the synopsis of basically every episode of _Noah’s Arc_. He smiles and settles back, enjoying the nostalgia of the moment.


	3. Can't Keep Your Eyes Off My

Contrary to popular belief, Derek loves the beach. He’s always accused of hating excessive amounts of sand (true), warm sunny days (false) and people in general (mostly true), but he did love the expansive dunes, surfing choppy waves, and laying out under the sun with a good book and the break as his soundtrack. He even loves getting crappy beach food which usually consists of tacos from a local truck and way too many sweets. As long as the beach wasn’t too crowded he always enjoyed himself. 

He remembered when he was on the basketball team and they had a match with Laguna High they would stay near the beach before the game. He and Camden would sneak off and night swim among other minor mischiefs. 

He smiles thinking of their rowdiness as he watches Stiles try to sneak up on Scott. 

“Hey Stiles!” Derek shouts out, startling and derailing the boy’s concentration. He spins towards the unassuming wolf with his mouth agape.

“Dude! I almost had him! What the fuck?!” Derek simply shrugs and puts his sunglasses on while taking out a book. 

“Bro, I’m a werewolf, of course I knew you were there.” Scott says, trying and failing to assuage his friend.

“Bullshit! I was _this_ close to getting you, Scott, and Derek had to ruin it! What did you want anyway?” He asks walking over and standing in front of Derek’s beach towel. Derek places the book on his chest. 

“Nothing, just wanted to interrupt you from doing that.” Stiles picks up a handful of sand, but thinks better of it at Derek’s cocked eyebrow. He tosses it aside and begins to frump off until he thinks better of it and sits beside Derek on his beach towel. 

Derek exhales and places his book on his chest again. “Stiles, what?”

“You called me to get my attention and now you’ve got it! Whacha reading?” Derek is about to protest but takes inspiration from the peaceful day surrounding and turns his book towards Stiles.

“It’s called ‘ _My Story_ ’ by Ronnie Kray. He’s one half of the infamous Kray twins. They were-”

“Gay gangsters, yeah!” Stiles takes the book from Derek and skims the back cover. “You know, Derek, if you wanna learn more about my people, you could have asked. I’m a bit worried about how I’m coming off if you’re starting with the mob though.” Derek furrows his eyebrows in confusion and takes the book back. 

“What? They weren’t gay, were they?”

“Oh no, sorry, dude. Spoilers!” Stiles slaps his hand over his mouth as Derek scans the book flap for clues. 

“Erica wanted me to read it, said it was relevant to-” Derek closes his eyes quickly and rubs the bridge of his nose. 

“Relevant to what? Derek?” Stiles prods, but Derek just shakes his head. Erica pointed the book out to him one day and said it was about twin brothers with a secret. Derek thought the secret was they were secretly predatory killers, but if they were gay, he knew she was pointing to the fact that one of them was openly married. Gay man trapped in a societal approved marriage? There was no reading between those lines. When was Erica going to realize he wasn’t gay?

He sits up and places the book in his lap. “Nothing, it’s just Erica being… Erica. Hey, what did you mean about wanting to learn more about your people?”

“Well, you know since I-” Stiles looks around. It’s a look that’s not necessary, just done for the benefit of the thing. The people he’s wanted to tell about his bisexuality have been told and no one else would care, but it seems to be a leftover habit that Derek was sad he never noticed before. Derek reaches out and touches Stiles knee drawing the boy’s attention back. He reassures Stiles with kind eyes that match the sea and Stiles exhales and nods. “-came out. Wow, I don’t know what that was, I-”

“Stiles, it’s okay, what were you going to say?” Stiles shakes his head, derailing his insecurities and quickly the look of mischief returns to his eyes. 

“Well, since I came out, you haven’t called me to like, talk about anything. Then I see you reading this book about some of the most infamous members of my community and still, nothing. I’m a little offended, Der.”

Derek grins, as Stiles’ considers him with a lopsided smirk. He reaches over and pinches Stiles’ thigh. 

“I just started the book and didn’t realize they were gay. As soon as one of them took a male lover, you would have been the first person that I called.” He delivers with deadpan accuracy and flat stoic eyebrows dripping with sarcasm. Stiles’ annoyance is belied by the smile beaming on his face.

“Dammit, Derek. I know you’re fucking with me, but I would _love_ that.”

“So whenever I watch _Brokeback Mountain_ , you want a call?” Derek huffs out with an eyeroll bumping into Stiles’ shoulder.

“Fuck yeah, but that’s just because it’s a good movie. But when they start kissing all frantic and Michelle Williams finds them? I want you to look at me, clasp my shoulder and nod. And if you could be holding a rainbow flag, that would also be awesome.” Derek can’t help but laugh at the sincere hopefulness plastered on Stiles’ face. He clasps his hand on Stiles’ shoulder and gives it a little squeeze.

“Well I know it was a while ago, but the night after you,” Derek takes a moment to exaggeratedly look around before leaning in and whispering, “came out” causing Stiles to do his patented head back, drop-jawed laugh, “I watched several episodes of Noah’s Arc.” 

Something changes in Stiles’ expression, curiosity replacing humor.

“Y-you, you watched it by yourself? I know that used to be your thing with Cora and-” 

Derek shakes his head quickly, “No, I mean, Erica’s always there so-”

“Yeah, Derek. I know, I just… look, if you ever wanna watch give me a call, okay? I’ll come over, it’ll be fun and I can tell you my theory about how you’re totally the Chance.”

“I am NOT the Chance, Stiles!” Stiles giggles as Derek pushes him away and lies back down. “Besides, I’m the Ricky.” Stiles stands up and pshaws. “You wish you could be the Ricky, you’re the Wade at best.”

“You’re the Noah.” 

“You think? I feel like I’m not fabulous enough to pull off being the Noah. I haven’t like, marinated long enough in my bi-ness yet.” Stiles shakes his hips and indicates to his entire self, which Derek scans behind darkened sunglass lenses.

“I know you’re operating on a sliding scale, but the bar’s not that much lower, Stiles.”

“I’d be super offended if that weren’t such an excellence complisult. I’m going to go and cry about it in the ocean, you coming in?” Derek shakes his head and Stiles gives a little wave before boarding Scott’s back as the two go howling into the sea. 

The day passes lazily and there’s swimming, surfing, volleyball and more. Tans set in (or in Stiles’ case, burns after multiple applications of sunblock followed by aloe gel) and the group find themselves lounging in a makeshift circle. Derek is lying on his towel and across the sand Stiles is sitting in a beach chair under an umbrella with a beach towel draped over his shoulders. 

“Why does the sun wanna hurt me? I’ve only said good things about it, I swear.” he can hear Stiles complain to Scott as Scott hands him a melting bomb pop he scored from an ice cream truck traveling up and down the boardwalk. 

Scott hands out the rest of the confections before taking his seat and digging into his Choco Taco. 

Erica plops beside Derek with her strawberry cone and winks at him as she gives a lascivious and excessive swipe of the tongue along the ice cream of the cone. Derek smirks as she winks at him and indicates towards the group. Derek’s sunglasses allow him to look around without being too obvious and he watches everyone as they manipulate their icy treats. 

Lydia gives little kitten licks and sucks the tip gently before biting off a chunk and chewing it in her mouth. Derek respects that method. Kira nibbles cutely up one side and give little nips down the other side, slurping up the juice along the way. Derek looks at Scott and then towards Erica who tries to hide her giggle. 

_‘Stilinski’_ she mouths causing Derek to finally take in the boy. He looks back at Erica who is full on fellating her own sourpop. She’s fitted the popsicle stick between her knees and even puts her hand behind her head as she simulates going down on it. Derek tries to look affronted, but can’t help but be amused. Erica’s always so damned inappropriate. Derek swallows hard and finally considers his own electric blue pop dripping into the sand. Derek licks his from the base to the tip and tilts it up, allowing the juice to slide down the popsicle into his mouth. At the tip he slurps his tongue around to gather all the wetness and pushes the popsicle into his mouth, hollowing his cheeks as he pulls it out, sucking it as dry as he can. He brings the popsicle down and swallows, wiping the back of his hand over his chin before he hears a strangled grunt. He looks up and sees Stiles staring at him, wide amber eyes focused on Derek with his mouth agape. Derek cocks an eyebrow that can be seen over the frame of his sunglasses. 

“What? What happened?” He asks as Stiles shuts his mouth quickly and shakes his head. 

“Uhh, no! Sorry, I was thinking about something and just kind of spaced off.”

“Hey Stiles, can you come here for a minute?” Scott says with a knowing and shit-eating grin. Derek grows confused as Stiles glares at his seemingly traitorous best friend.

“Hey, Scott, you see I’m pretty settled here, why don’t _you_ come over _here_?” Stiles seethes as the red in his chest seeps up to his face. Scott just cocks his head, still grinning wildly. 

“No, dude! I really think you should stand up right now and come over here.”

Derek looks between the two and suddenly a stiff breeze tells Derek exactly why Stiles can’t get up. He groans and rolls his eyes before reaching into his bag and grabbing his book. As he lays it out he sees Stiles flipping Scott off.

“I know you’re going to play it off that it was me who got him horny, but that happened after you tried to outdo me with your own totally not gay, dick suck-off competition.” Erica murmurs coyly beside him. 

“No one was in a competition Erica. I was just eating a popsicle, you can’t eat a popsicle without it looking like sucking dick.” Derek murmurs back covertly while staring at his book, making it appear he’s simply mouthing along with a certain passage. Erica grunts, completely aware of his little ploy. 

“Okay, boss man, you keep telling yourself that when you jack off tonight and all you can think about is blowpops.” Derek growls and Stiles looks up directly at him, asking silently if he’s okay. Derek grins slightly and nods before going back to his book. 

It was sweet of Stiles to try to hide his arousal around Derek, but it wasn’t really necessary. The boy constantly reeked of sex. Well, not sex exactly, it was clear he was mostly getting lucky with himself, but he always smelled of lust and wantingly pure desire. It was always laced by something that was uniquely Stiles and Derek could always pick Stiles out of a crowd because of it. That made it kind of intimate in a way, like a secret between the two. Derek made a mental note to talk to Stiles about not being embarrassed by his arousal. In fact he’s less surprised about Stiles’ preternatural horniness than he is about Scott teasing him at that particular moment about it. Unless Derek himself did something to stir him up. 

Derek works more on his popsicle as he tries to recall what exactly would have really set Stiles off. Anyone else and Derek would have felt a little bit smug, but really though? This was Stiles. It could have been a butterfly with extra sexy wings and Stiles would be at half mast for a few hours. Derek shrugs it away as the breeze carries another burst of arousal his way. He looks up at Stiles covertly through his shades. Stiles has gone back to licking his bombpop with occasional glances towards Derek. 

Derek watches as Stiles’ pink plump lips slide over the sweet ice that seems to melt instantly at the contact. For Stiles it isn’t just about the popsicle, but about involving nearly his entire self into the process. 

He slurps up the juice into the hollow of his tongue before tipping his head back to allow the juice to drip into his throat. Some slides down his neck which he traces with his thumb before tucking it into his mouth to swirl his tongue around the digit to lick off the stickiness. He then considers the juice left on the rest of his fingers and proceeds to fellate them individually all the way down to the webbing. He used his thumb again to gather the melted ice that pooled just beneath his bottom lip which was now stained purple and puffy. 

Derek knew that when Stiles found a boyfriend, he was going to rival anything a girl could do with that mouth. Ironically enough, that mouth would probably also be the thing that got Stiles killed if he didn’t learn when to shut it up. That mouth was either going to get Stiles laid in a bed or in the ground. Derek didn’t mind Stiles’ rambling though, if he were his mate-

“Derek?” Derek snaps out of his reverie and looks at Scott who is grinning at him. Stiles is looking down into his lap and wrapping his popsicle stick in its wrapper. Derek hadn’t even noticed he’d finished it. 

“Sorry, Scott, I just dazed off, what’s up?” Scott shrugs and gestures to everyone who was starting to pack up.

“Uhh, nothing, just um… it’s time to go?” 

Derek nods and stands up quickly, dragging his towel up along the way. 

“Smooth move, Der. Gotta hide that bonerock somehow. Let’s see how Stilinski fares.” Derek ignores Erica’s teasing but does chance a look at Stiles whose eyes are narrowed in his direction. Stiles gathers several items in his lap before standing up and walking awkwardly towards the restrooms. Erica breaks out laughing. 

“Every fucking time!” She peers at Derek, looking almost ethereal with the bright sun bouncing off of her blond hair, causing her to glow. “That kid is useless when you’re eating a popsicle. And you’re just as bad. I know there’s a reason you keep a box in the freezer and won’t let anyone but Stiles eat them.”

“They’re his favorite.” he justifies almost absentmindedly. He looks over and sees Lydia smiling at him gently. He feels his cheeks begin to burn as he turns away sheepishly and begins to gather his things and helps haul other items to the truck. Erica continues teasing him along the way.

“Hmm, let’s see what other of his favorites do you stock up on? Bananas, lollipops, bendy straws, hell, remember that time your pen burst in his mouth?” Derek growls to himself as he starts the car and drives onto the beach to finish packing up. Stiles is back and play beating up Scott as Derek pulls up.

“How about you use some of that energy to load up the truck?” He calls out causing Stiles to twirl around towards him. 

“Dude, we’ve got some supernatural powerhouses in this group, I’m not lifting a finger!” Derek shakes his head and continues loading up and once everything is situated he walks over to Stiles and carries him fireman style over his shoulder. Stiles flails out gasping as the rest of the pack starts laughing.

“Dude!” Derek sets him down beside his Jeep and presses his towel into his chest.

“I’m a supernatural powerhouse, remember?” Stiles just laughs.

“Such a dick.”

“Lazy.”

“Ass.”

Derek flashes Stiles a bright smile as Stiles looks aways quickly, still grinning and fiddling with his keys. Scott and Kira ride by on Scott’s bike and Scott yells out something Derek can’t make out. Whatever it was it gets a loud, open mouthed guffaw from Stiles. Derek shrugs and gets into his truck, waving at everyone as he drives away. 

“You should maybe call him more?” Erica says as she watches the beach disappearing behind them. “Seriously, Der. He could use a friend. Scott’s always preoccupied with his girlfriend or someone trying to attack us. Lydia is his friend but he’s always kind of had this competition thing with her, so I know he can never really be vulnerable. You two have a lot more in common than you think, I think you could be really great friends.” 

Derek grins, actually agreeing with his little pseudo sister for once, but wanting to rouse her just a little. “Vulnerable, Erica? Sounds like you’re trying to mate us.” Derek can feel Erica’s grin even though she’s facing the window. 

“It wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Even if it were sexless, I know you can imagine having him around more often, even if it were just friends.” Derek nods to himself. Yeah, he could see them being friends. They’re already sparring partners and Derek always feels like he can be himself around Stiles. Even when Derek was talking about _Noah’s Arc_ , Stiles barely raised a brow. Even though Derek knew he wasn’t gay, he also knows he was a little more… sensitive than others assumed. He was a romantic and loved reading and could see the beauty in any relationship. Just because homosexuality wasn’t something he could have for himself didn’t mean he didn’t understand the desire -Stiles’ desire- to travel that path. Stiles will make a great mate for anyone, male or female, and if Derek could experience that in a friendship capacity it’d be even better.

“I’ll call him this weekend, see if he wants to hang out.” Erica looks at him carefully and then sits back in her seat, tilting her head back and grinning.

“Good. Way to go, boss man.” The two ride in companionable silence back to Derek’s loft. 


	4. Last Thing I Remember Is

_“If you can’t fix it, Jack, you gotta stand it.”_ Derek watches the screen with tears in his eyes and the phone in his hand. He was going to call Stiles and tell him it was on, maybe they could watch it over the phone together, chat during the commercials. He’d thought a lot about it all weekend, calling Stiles whenever something gay popped up on his screen. There was even a vintage episode of _Queer Eye for the Straight Guy_ that Derek thought Stiles would get a kick out of. Especially when he saw how Derek turned his ottoman into a coffee table using Thom’s advice.

Each time he went to pick up the phone though he chickened out. He wasn’t sure why, he knew that under normal conditions just texting Stiles to come over meant the boy would appear in less than 20 minutes. Usually he’d be frantic and worried, which made Derek just want to hold him still until his heartbeat went back to normal -normal for Stiles, that is. This, however? This felt different. Because usually the only time Derek did text Stiles to come over it was because there was danger. Him coming over and Derek holding him until he calmed only served to pacify the boy enough to give him the necessary information so they could plan how to deal with the threat. If Stiles came over with no threat present, then what would happen after Derek held him? All that would be left would be…

“Friendship, Derek!” Erica held out her hand for the remote that Derek is gripping tightly and pointing at the TV. He’d paused the movie and Erica is watching him knowingly yet annoyed.

“Der, just invite him over! He comes over, you watch this harrowing tale of unrequited love and you hang out, that’s it!” Derek looks at Erica and then back at the screen.

“It wasn’t unrequited, it’s unacceptable for that time, Ennis’ struggle-”

“Is so boring I could die! But you know who would really wanna talk about it with you? At fucking length?” Derek sighs as Erica stands up and walks towards the staircase to go to her room. “Call him, Der. Don’t overthink it.”

Derek knows better than to not overthink anything when it came to Erica. She was constantly trying to get him laid, which wasn’t a bad thing, but her definition of his “type” always skewed as far as possible to the other side of the Kinsey scale.

“Yeah, yeah, you have an obligation to procreate and carry on the Hale line, that doesn’t mean you can’t have some fun until then!” She’d say to him while browsing through the Grindr app on his phone. He still couldn’t figure out how to turn off the notifications on the damned thing and she would never do it no matter how much he threatened then begged.

“Erica, mates are forever. I’m not going to try and meet some guy that I can never be with.”

“Who said anything about mates or forever? I’m talking about here and now and getting some hot guy to slobber on your dick. If you can’t mate with a guy -which, just because I’m not dwelling on that now doesn’t mean we’re not going to have a LONG talk about it later- then it shouldn’t matter. You go, fuck around a bit and you don’t have to worry about unexpected pregnancy. A guy fuckbuddy is perfect for you! Now how do you feel about daddy bears because this dude is hairy, a little older and says he’s a weapons dealer and likes guys with big guns. Oh my god, do you think that’s Chris? _Shit_!”

Derek grabbed his phone from her and exited the app as Erica fell into a fit of giggles.

“No daddy bears, no twinks, no guys, no setting me up in general. When I’m ready to date, I’ll date. At least put Tindr on this thing. They should make a Tindr for werewolves who want to mate.” He looked at Erica expecting some sort of taunt, but all he received was a soft expression.

“Peter’s got you so fucked up.”

***

Derek grimaces at the TV still holding the remote with the TV on pause. He knows this is the part when Ennis tells Jack goodbye for the last time. He couldn’t do that to someone, even if it’s just a fling. Besides, it’s not what he wants. He loves women and when the time is right he’ll find the perfect mate. They’ll all be proud of him, proud that he was able to live up to his name and-

A knock at the door breaks Derek’s concentration. It was odd for him to be surprised by visitors, but upon hearing the sped up heartbeat of this particular one, he understands why it took him off guard.

Stiles has the uncanny ability of sticking out like a sore thumb and blending in seamlessly at the same time. Derek was so in tune to his heartbeat and smell and mannerisms that he could drift in and out of his consciousness without Derek even thinking to care. He trusts Stiles enough to let his guard down. Derek thinks about that revelation as he walks to the door and pulls it open, taking in the sight of a boy who’s visibly shaken.

“What happened?” Derek reaches out nearly by instinct. He means to pull Stiles into the loft, but pulls him into a hug instead which Stiles accepts graciously. It’s short and friendly, and enough to remove some of the tension from the boy’s agitated frame.

“Hey man, I’m sorry, I just… something happened at school today and I- can I come-? I mean, if you’re busy- shit I’m sorry, I should have called, I-”

“Stiles!” Derek grips Stiles by both shoulders and shakes him gently, grinning at the boy, trying to calm him down. “It’s fine, you’re totally fine. Come in, okay? Go sit on the couch, I’ll be right in.” Stiles nods and heads to the couch, immediately grabbing the remote and rewinding a bit in the movie. Derek goes into the kitchen and grabs them both waters from the fridge. He smiles to himself and grabs something else before heading back out.

He walks over to the couch where Stiles has settled in and clasps his hand on the boy’s shoulder before pulling a rainbow popsicle from behind his back.

“I know it’s not a flag, but it’s as close as I could get on such short notice.” Derek says as Stiles face brightens up. He glomps at Derek and takes the popsicle happily. Derek places a bottle of water on the end table next to Stiles and sits down in his easy chair turning towards the boy.

“I can’t believe you, dude. You’re the fucking best, you know? Today was so shitty, who would have thought a callback and a rainbow pop would be the thing to turn it around?” Stiles says as he begins licking the popsicle from bottom to top. He’s got his lips around the head, watching the movie as his eyes quickly flick over to Derek who is watching him with a bemused grin. Stiles flushes and Derek can scent that familiar combination of embarrassment and arousal. Derek tsks and shakes his head as Stiles shrugs.

“So, yeah. It’s just come to my attention that basically everytime I eat a popsicle it looks like I’m trying to bring all the boys to the yard. The same also applies to lollipops, suckers, just really anything having to do with my mouth, which? Totally unfair, dude!? How can you even eat a popsicle without it looking like you’re sucking a dick? It’s fucking impossible.”

Derek snorts, “Maybe for you, some of us can eat a popsicle and make it look dignified, as it’s intended.” Stiles gawps at Derek incredulously before chuckling.

“Derek, you of all people do not suck a dignified popsicle dick. It’s pretty fucking raunchy.” This time it’s Derek’s jaw that drops in feigned offense.

“What are you even talking about? I’m perfectly respectable. I could eat a popsicle in front of Mother Teresa!”

“Yeah and afterwards she wouldn’t want to be a nun anymore!” Derek snorts and drinks his water and when he looks back at Stiles, he finds the boy staring at him, his wild tea colored eyes glistening in the late afternoon sun currently flooding the loft. Stiles clears his throat, suddenly sheepish.

“Hey, I’m.. you know I’m mostly- I’m _kidding_. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, I know I give you a lot of shit, but I don’t want to go too far.”

“Stiles, you’re fine, you’re thinking too hard, we’re having fun, right?” Stiles rubs the back of his neck and looks up at Derek.

“Yeah, I have a lot of fun with you.”

“Good.” Derek is about to press play on the movie again but Stiles stops him.

“Derek?” Derek looks at Stiles who is trying to wipe away the stickiness between his fingers. Derek can’t help but find it endearing.

“Yeah, Stiles?” Stiles gets up and throws away the stick, coming back with a damp paper towel. He wipes his hands and sits on the edge of the ottoman across from Derek’s chair. He considers the ottoman, but seems to file it away for later.

“I know I always kind of insist that you and I are the very best of friends, like, I know Scott is the Copper to my Tod, but I really like this thing I have with you. I know I’m probably ruining it by saying anything, but I don’t know, I feel really comfortable around you and I’d like for us to hang out more if that’s cool? God,I feel like I’m in second grade and asking you to play foursquare with me, this is so fucking lame.”

“You are fucking lame, but it’s one of the many reasons I love spending time with you, Stiles.” Derek says, watching Stiles’ meltdown.

“You’re such a fucking savant with the complisults, dude! How do you do that? I bet you were the biggest brat in high school, weren’t you? Fuck, is that-? Do you wanna talk about high school, I feel like talking about your history is like walking through field of landmines. And that sounded really insensitive, I just-”

“Stiles, it’s fine. I… I don’t talk a lot about the past, but honestly it’s because people are so careful not to ask. I don’t really mind it though, and if there’s something I don’t want to or am not ready to talk about, I’ll let you know.” Stiles nods as he reaches forward and squeezes Derek’s knee. He sits back on the the couch and fast forwards in the movie a bit. Derek isn’t even sure how he got the remote.

“I love this part, but it’s way too sad for right now. Actually, this movie in general is way too sad, can we switch and maybe watch it later? _Go_ is on, I think.” Derek nods as Stiles fidgets with the remote and puts the other movie on. Lying back, he puts his feet up and rests his head on his arm. He turns on the captions and presses mute before looking back at Derek. “Brokeback Mountain is a fave so I really would like to watch it with you. It’s a really cool study of how societal pressures can fuck up your love game.”

“ _Fuck up your love game_? Really, Stiles?” Derek deadpans. Stiles grins cheekily and shrugs.

“Yeah, a tale of unrequited love set in rural cowboy times?” Derek sighs.

“It’s not unrequited! Ennis and Jack love each other very much, Ennis just caves to the pressure of society to ascribe to their homophobic bullshit.” Derek was surprised that Stiles seemed to take the more popular view.

“I’m not talking about Jack and Ennis.” Derek narrows as eyes as Stiles looks at him plainly. “I’m talking about Ennis and himself. You can’t really say that you love yourself if you deny a fundamental part of who you are.” Stiles looks back at the TV as Derek grins inwardly. Stiles schools his features and becomes contemplative.

“I get it, I thought I loved myself, but it wasn’t until I came out that I realized how much I didn’t even know myself. How can I expect anyone else to fall in love with me if I can’t even love me? If I don’t even _know_ me. And I’m not even fully out yet.”

“What do you mean by that? That you’re not fully out yet?” Derek asks, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. Stiles plays with his nails, it’s a nervous tick for him. Derek gets up and this time he sits on the ottoman across from Stiles and places his hand calmly over both of Stiles’. “Hey, talk to me. You came out, you told me, you told your dad, Scott, the rest of the pack knows.”

“It’s not that big of a deal, really, it’s… it’s just that something happened today that bothered me and, I don’t know. It’s probably nothing, I’m probably just making a big deal out of it, right?”

“Well I won’t know until you tell me.” Derek looks at Stiles intently, letting the boy know he’s ready and willing to listen. Stiles sits up and faces Derek.

“At school, I’m in Anatomy giving my presentation about how men used to wear heeled shoes and- okay, I know that seems weird, but you know me and really if you think about it, that many men wearing those heels had to lead to major back issues, and your back is part of your anatomy, it was related, Derek!” Derek puts his hands up silently proclaiming his innocence as Stiles accepts and continues.

“So Finch -that’s the teacher’s name- she says, ‘ _Interesting presentation, Stiles. You actually make a good argument for why women shouldn’t wear heels like stilettos. But you might make an even more interesting argument about why men should wear sturdier heels, maybe even lifts_.’ which was totally cool because she got where I was going, right?

“So then fucking Randy Fausburg snickers with his idiot friends about how gay it is that dudes used to wear heels and there’s no way he would ever be caught in them. So of course I say, ‘ _shut the fuck up, Randy! Wearing heels doesn’t make you gay and who even brought up gay in the first place?_ ’. So I expect him to drop it because he’s a sophomore and I’m a senior -and I still don’t have a fucking clue how he got into AP anatomy, but whatever- but this little fucker keeps going!

“He looks at me and says, ‘ _what crawled in your ass, Stilinski? What does it matter to you anyway, you’re not even gay_!’ and I should have said, _‘it shouldn’t matter if I’m gay or not because either way that’s a shitty thing to say that a) it’s a problem if men wanna wear heels, and b) that there’s something wrong or weird about being gay!’_ , but I… I couldn’t.

“What I really wanted to say is, ‘ _I’m bi, you homophobic dick and I don’t appreciate whatever the hell it is you’re insinuating!_ ” and since I couldn’t say that, I didn’t say anything. They weren’t even paying attention to me anyway, but I just felt like such a fucking failure. I can’t tell Scott because he has too many classes with the kid, and I know if I asked you’d go down there and like, teach them a lesson, but really I just needed someone to listen. Again, it’s not that big of a deal, I just.. I don’t know.” Stiles exhales and breathes heavily avoiding eye contact with Derek. Derek can sense anxiety and shame pouring off the boy, but also a bit of hope.

“First off, Stiles. If it happened to you and it affected you, it’s a big deal. It doesn’t have to be the moon landing every time. Something seemingly small can have a big impact on you. You know I understand that almost as much as you understand it yourself.” Stiles finally looks up and locks eyes with Derek, nodding slightly and encouraging him to continue.

“I don’t know what the coming out process is like, I don’t know that anyone can tell you that you’re doing it right or wrong. I’m sure some people jump out of the closet with no obstacles and others struggle a little each day for years. Some people may even go in and out, I don’t think it’s something you can really compare. The important thing is that your experience is yours. When you’re comfortable you’ll be back to your regular snarky self and you’ll be able to see beyond the bullshit to the fact that Randy clearly wants to buy a pair of heels, but is scared of what his friends will say. So he says the worst thing he can think of to gage reactions. Your outburst may have helped him to see that bullying someone because of that isn’t cool.”

Stiles’ eyes wandered up and to the right as he considered Derek’s words. “Oh my god, Der! Randy’s like 5’2”, of course he wants to fucking wear heels! Oh my god! You’re amazing, thanks!” Stiles launches himself forward, hugging Derek tightly. Derek squeezes him and pats him on the back, laughing. As Stiles sits back down, Derek notices his cheeks are flushed from the excitement.

“Okay, so next time, I’m totally prepared, and knowing this kid there will probably be a next time.” Stiles laughs again and reaches out to Derek’s knee, pinching it once more. Derek looks at Stiles’ hand which the boy pulls back quickly.

“Oh, sorry man, Scott and I have done that to each other since we were kids. Have I been doing that a lot? It’s kind of subconscious at this point. Does it bother you? I hope it doesn’t bother you.”

“It doesn’t bother me, Stiles. I just thought it was interesting. I like that you’re getting more comfortable here.” Stiles nods.

“I am, though I mean, I’m not going to start molesting you or anything just because I’m more comfortable.”

“Of course you are.”

“What?!” Derek grins at the shocked expression on Stiles’ face.

“Stiles, I’ve seen how you are with the pack, you’re very tactile, which, hello? I’m a born wolf, I love it. I haven’t really had a chance to experience that lately.”

“No puppy piles?”

“Your use of the internet is worrisome. I feel like your search history has already landed you on several watch lists.”

“Gotta keep it interesting for the censors. Okay, so, I’ll probably get more handsy with you, but like, if I go to far let me know.” Derek shrugs nonchalantly.

“Sure, but I doubt it’s going to be a problem, I’ve already seen you fellate several iced confectionaries, I don’t think a pinch on the knee is going to top that.”

Stiles groans and drops his head into his hands as Derek reaches forward and pats him gently on the back.

“I’ve never even sucked a dick, I mean I want to, I’ve thought about it. I even ordered a- and shit, that was about to prove your point and be way TMI. Sorry dude, don’t worry, I’ll work on not being, like gross around you.” Derek grunts.

“Expressing your sexuality isn’t gross. It’s not any different than Scott telling you all the shit he does with Kira, or did with Allison.” Stiles nods thoughtfully as Derek continues. “I don’t mind, I think it’s cool that you’re comfortable enough to share that with me. Also, having a dildo isn’t really gay, I have a dildo.”

“You have a dildo?!” Stiles furrows his brow in surprise as Derek rolls his eyes.

“Every guy has a prostate.” Derek offers, leaving Stiles looking mildly confused.

“Wha-?”

“How the fuck else am I supposed to reach it?” Derek supplies with a wink causing Stiles to huff out a laugh.

“Oh my god, you’re a fucking wonderland, Derek.” The boy says while shaking his head. “Okay, I’ll concede that having a dildo isn’t very gay or out of what _should_ be the ordinary, but you have to admit that having one for the expressed purpose of practicing fellatio is pretty fucking gay.”

“Not that I ever wanted to, but… I can’t argue with that. However, if you ever wanna talk about it, I’m all ears. I couldn’t really give you a lot of hints,” Derek’s eyes flicker with a hint of mischief, “but I’m sure there are some research sites we could look up.” Stiles grin widens.

“Did you just offer to watch porn with me?”

Derek sighs, “Sure, why not? Maybe we can learn to suppress your gag reflex with an actual gag.”

“And you said you couldn’t give me _a lot_ of hints which implies…”

“Hint number one: don’t drop your fangs right before sucking a dick.”

“Dammit, you’re such an ass. I like it a lot.”

“Oh I already know how you feel about my ass.” Derek counters as Stiles gapes at him, suddenly guilty, “Yes, I’ve seen your text message conversations with Erica.”

“Oh my god, she showed you those?!” Stiles turns bright red so fast he has to lay his head back and close his eyes. “In my defense I was young and everything made me horny.”

“You’re still young and everything _still_ makes you horny.”

“I know! But that’s when it started and I didn’t have the amazing control I do now, don’t give me that look, mister!” Stiles flails out his arms and points accusingly at Derek before the expression can even form fully on his face. Derek’s scowl softens when Stiles’ face changes to indicate that maybe he doesn’t realize Derek is joking.

“That’s not gonna make things weird between us is it? I mean, I know that, well, if… if you just ignore it, it’ll go away, you know?”

“Like I said, Stiles. It’s fine.” Derek looks down and shrugs. “I know you don’t just hang around me for my body, I like having you around, my wolf is used to your rollercoaster hormones.” Stiles laughs brightly.

“Christ, this is so embarrassing.”

Derek suddenly has a memory that causes him to burst out in such an amazing smile, that Stiles has to sit back a bit.

“Whoa, what just happened?” Derek laughs and shakes his head, unbelieving that he’s actually going to tell Stiles this story.

“I… may have been really bad with the whole hormones thing when I was a little bit younger than you.”

“Oh my god, spill right now. How bad?” Derek rubs the bridge of his nose and finally looks into Stiles eyes. They’re brimming over with jovial curiosity.

“There was this… person. And every time I saw them I’d get aroused, and they were a were, and of course my family was mostly weres so everyone knew.”

“That’s not really that embarrassing considering though, I mean, there’s literally nothing you can do about it.” Stiles shrugs, clearly disappointed by Derek’s reveal. Derek just grins.

“Getting a woodie wasn’t really the embarrassing part.”

“Was it saying woodie just then?”

“It was my cousin.”

“What?!”

“Yeah, I didn’t see my Aunt and Uncle all that much, usually every few years for family reunions. They weren’t even technically Hales. They were my dad’s siblings and he changed his name when he married my mother.”

“Progressive.” Stiles offered, now clearly impressed and interested.

“Yes, he was one-of-a-kind. So the summer after puberty everything fucking changed. They moved closer and we saw them all the time and each time we hugged I’d end up half fucking hard and Uncle Peter would be glaring daggers at me. You know, it’s not that funny.” Derek admonishes as Stiles is grabbing his belly and tears stream down his face.

“Oh my god, dude! You’re so wrong! That’s fucking hilarious!” Stiles regains control of his senses and holds himself to fend off Derek’s epic glare. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry, but you can’t tell me a story like that and not expect me to react. Oh man, I can’t believe you told me that! If you can live through that, I can live through anything, thanks buddy!”

“Well, I’m not really worried about it, no one would ever believe you.” Derek says as he folds his hands behind his head and reclines in his chair. Stiles eyes go wide at the implication.

“Shit, you’re right! No one would believe me!”

“Why do you think I told you?” Derek snorts. Stiles is still giggling as he lays back on the couch and turns his attention to the screen.

“Answer the question, _Claire_!” Stiles yells out, causing Derek to startle and then grin.

“It’s just one question, Claire. Answer it!”

“Why won’t she answer the question? Claire!”

“Answer the fucking question, Claire!”

“Timothy Olyphant is so fucking hot.”

“You know what something is called when it doesn’t relate to Timothy Olyphant?”

“No, what?”

“ _Irrelephant_.”

“I hate you.”

“You love me.”

“I… thank you, Derek.”

The two watch the rest of the movie in silence and Stiles heads home. Derek climbs the stairs and goes into Erica’s room, piling on her bed.

“Did Bambi leave?” She asks, burrowing in beside him. Derek nods. Erica is quiet for a moment and then taps out a rhythm on Derek’s shoulder.

“I thought you said you haven’t done puppy piles, two people can’t be a puppy pile?”

“Nope.”

“So what, if it’s two people it’s just [cuddlebug therapy](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3341876)?” Derek rolls his eyes.

“There’s no way I’m teaching him about _that_.” Erica laughs heartily and pinches Derek’s neck. She pats him lightly on the chest, just above his heart.

“I can’t believe you told him about your cousin.”

“It’s okay,” Derek shrugs, “It helped him and I know he won’t use it against me.”

“Why didn’t you tell him it was a guy?”

Derek thinks back to the third time it happened, that was the worst. He thought back to how Peter pulled him aside, told him he was an embarrassment to his family and a disgrace as a son by lusting after another boy. Peter didn’t even seem too concerned that it was his cousin, just that it was a guy and Derek’s hormones betrayed him at the worst possible times.

His cousin was beautiful but more importantly, Derek’s crush was rooted in his intellect. He was smart as a whip and fast and sleek. He was a natural athlete but could quote Voltaire at the drop of a dime. Derek’s body misinterpreted his fascination as romantic interest clearly and everything just went downhill from there.

“Peter was so angry.” Derek supplies as he looks out the window towards the horizon where the sun is setting. Erica simply nods.

“Peter’s gone, Derek.” She says simply.

“Just because someone is gone doesn’t mean you can’t feel them anymore.” He says, giving her a squeeze.

“Yeah… I guess so.”


	5. That's the Only Thing That's Keeping Me

When Derek was 8 he had his first kiss. Not like a kiss from his mom on the lips or the cheek, and not a kiss from his dad on the neck, but an actual _‘I choose to like you_ ’ kiss from a kid in his third grade class. His birthday was late in the year, but he was very smart and allowed to enroll early. So he was the youngest, but made friends quickly since he already knew most of the kids from the area. They were outside for recess and he was lying on a hill watching the clouds when a sandy brown cub started running in circles around him. The kid’s name was Sandy and Derek wondered if the name came first or they waited to see the wolf’s coloring.

It nipped at Derek’s toes and Derek quickly shifted, leaving his clothes in a messy pile and bounding after Sandy into the forest. Derek loved the forest. So many trees to mark and puddles to splash in. He loved all the little creatures and the fallen logs and special hiding places. There was even a cave in this forest. Mrs. Johnston told them that a mighty brown bear used to live there before moving up north for a more colder climate. Derek and Sandy often went there and Derek surmised that when he grew up, he was going to live there. Both he and Sandy lived near school and near the cave so they’d often meet on weekends and act out how things would go.

“I’ll play the mom and you play the dad.” Derek said as he shifted back to human. Sandy soon shifted after him and pretended to open the door.

“Hi honey, I’m home!” Sandy yelled as Derek pretended to tie an apron around himself.

“Hi dear, did you stop at the store like I asked you? We simply need more rocks if I’m going to finish this rock soup.”

Sandy laughed and pulled out a handful of rocks, beaming at Derek. “Of course, I know how to take care of the future mother of my cubs.” Derek smiled and held out his hand for the rocks which Sandy dumped in his hands. He placed them on the imaginary counter and turned around to Sandy who was standing right behind him.

“Thanks husband, you always take such good care of our family!” Sandy smiled widely at Derek and then leaned in and pressed their lips together. Derek gasped, but didn’t run away, just stood there frozen, suddenly very aware and open. Sandy shook his head.

“Uhh, that was really nice of you to say and when my mom says something nice to my dad he kisses her.” Derek nodded and looked at Sandy’s mouth. It was smeared a little with dirt and his front teeth were a little crooked, but Derek didn’t mind that so much. He leaned forward and kissed Sandy back.

After a quick moment Sandy cleared his throat causing Derek to step back. Sandy’s hands reached out for Derek’s hips and Derek realized the noise hadn’t come from Sandy at all.

“Boys?” Derek turned startled towards the entrance of the cave. He was still working on honing his reflexes and Uncle Peter could always catch him off guard.

“Uncle Peter! Hi, we were just playing house. Do you wanna play with us?” Derek asked innocently. Derek liked his Uncle Peter, he was a lot older, he could even drive a car, but he was young enough that he would play with Derek and teach him things. Peter watched Derek patiently and then looked at Sandy who looked a little more wary.

“Sandy, why don’t you start and head back towards the school? Derek will catch up with you in a minute.” Sandy smiled and glanced at Derek before shifting back into a cub and running away. Derek was about to do the same when Peter stopped him.

“Derek, why did you think you were playing house?” Derek looked at Peter confused.

“Well I was the mama, and Sandy was the daddy. It’s just pretend. What do you mean?”

“Are you a girl, Derek?” Peter asked calmly. Derek’s eyes widened and his face scrunched up.

“No, Uncle Peter! I’m a boy, you know that. What-?”

“Derek, mommies are girls and daddies are boys. You can’t play house with two boys, you can’t have a home with two girls, it’s literally impossible.” Derek looked down and tried to concentrate on why you couldn’t. Peter sighed, “Only mommies and daddies can make babies, Derek. And that’s what wolves do. That’s what you have to do if you’re going to have kids and make this family big and strong. I have a plan, Derek. A plan to make it so everyone knows the Hale name, all around the world.”

Derek’s eyes got wide. He liked the sound of that! He didn’t fully understand what it had to do with him or Sandy, but he liked when Peter made plans, they usually ended up with things blowing up.

“So from now on, no kissing Sandy, okay? You can find a nice girl wolf when you’re older, but just know that you’re going to be the one to make this family extraordinary and think about that every time you feel like kissing Sandy again, alright?”

Derek nodded slowly and then shifted and ran back to the school. Sandy had gathered his clothes for him and was waiting on the hill. He tried to lean in to peck Derek on the cheek, but Derek stopped him.

“I can’t, Sandy. I have to find a girl wolf so my family will be big and strong.” He dressed quickly and he and Sandy ran back to the school. Going inside, Sandy looked back briefly and saw Peter standing at the top of the hill watching.

***

“Derek, Jesus, I just wanted to talk!” Stiles flies back from the window where Derek appears, clutching his hand to his chest.

“So talk.” Derek answers as he walks to Stiles bed and lays out, rearranging pillows to get more comfortable.

“Were you at least just in the area when I called?” Stiles asks hopefully.

“Nope, I was baking a souffle and in the middle of the last chapter of that Ronnie Kray autobiography and it was getting really good. The souffle is ruined.”

“Dammit, Derek. You don’t have to drop anything for me. I’m just… shit, I don’t even have anything to talk about really, I just wanted to chat.” Stiles begins pacing in front of his bed and Derek shrugs, burrowing into his little nest.

“Then chat! You know I don’t like talking on the phone that much and this way you don’t have to worry about going over your minutes.”

Stiles hands fly out as he gestures towards Derek’s… well, it looks like his crotch, but Derek is holding out.

“Would you fucking get an unlimited plan already?” Derek huffs out a laugh and lays his head back, resting his eyes.

“I don’t need that many minutes, I don’t talk on my phone all that much.”

“You’re such a dick, why am I even friends with you?” Stiles says as he pulls his office chair over to the bed and straddles it looking at the wolf in resting form on his bed.

“What did you wanna talk about?” Stiles ignores Derek ignoring him and rests his chin on his forearms.

“Have you ever thought about having kids?”

“What?” Derek’s eyebrows furrow as he waits for Stiles’ reply.

“I told you it was stupid.”

“N- no, I mean. I just- what do you mean?”

“Kids, Derek. Little versions of you or me, running around causing mischief, expanding our genes into eternity?” Derek watches Stiles as he gestures towards the heavens and probably beyond, probably imagining little Stiles traversing the jungles, climbing the great wall, summiting Kilimanjaro.

“Yeah, I think about kids all the time.”

“Really? I don’t know, I can’t see you with kids.”

“I had baby cousins,”

“Not the ones you used to lust over, right?.” Stiles asks cheekily. Derek reaches out and pinches his arm.

“That was one and we were the same age! I also had nieces and nephews. Well, kind of, my oldest sister Madelaine, she had a girlfriend and adopted, so they weren’t technically Hales, but-”

“But they were still family Derek, of course they were Hales.”

“Yeah, I mean, Peter was always kind of leery of them, but I think that’s more of a wolf thing, and really Peter was wary of everyone. They were sweet kids though, I used to babysit all the time.”

“Did they call you Uncle Derek?”

“Uncle D, mostly.” Stiles grins at that and sighs.

“That’s just too fucking adorable. Can you imagine our kids? They’d be-” Stiles stops suddenly and Derek lifts an eyelid to glance at the uncharacteristically quiet boy.

“Yeah? What?”

“Nothing, nevermind.” Stiles just shakes his head. Derek decides not to push, but rather pokes Stiles in his elbow.

“You want kids?” he asks causing Stiles to sit up straight in excitement.

“Oh hell yes! Like a whole litter of them, running around, wreaking that special Stilinski brand of havoc.” Derek can’t help but smirk at the picture Stiles paints.

“I could have them with Scott, get those gorgeous puppy dog eyes, but I don’t know about a jaw that crooked on a girl. I just feel like it would lead to trouble. It’d be too adorable, right?” Derek almost answers, but he’s learned not to interrupt Stiles when he’s on a roll. “Then I was thinking Jackson, but I think with as blond as Jackson is we might end up with a redhead or a strawberry blond and while the world needs more fiery, sassy broads and bros, I’m not ready for them to instantly love Lydia more than me.”

Only in Stiles’ mind would any of this reasoning make sense, but Derek allows him to continue.

“With Isaac that’d be just too much fucking sass, and I can’t deal with my own kid hurting my feelings. That takes Lydia out of the running too. When I first started thinking about it, I imagined Boyd, oh my god can you imagine? They’d be gorgeous and stoic and wise. My kids would be cooler than me and for awesome parents, that’s the goal, right?” Stiles continues to ramble as Derek lets his mind wander.

Kids with Scott would be too adorable and Derek can only handle so much of that at a time. His sister’s kids were wise beyond their age and able to hold pretty decent conversations. Mainly they were about the _Powerpuff Girls_ and yes, that was adorable, but it wasn’t overly saccharin. Derek gets a toothache just imagining the spawn the Yukimura-McCalls will produce.

Isaac is out because Derek has seen his porn collection and there’s just no way a child should be produced from that source material. Jackson’s a dick so that’s out. Boyd would have been such an awesome choice that it’d be a shame to ever tie him down. Boyd should provide everyone’s offspring, but Erica was more selfish and would have had none of that.

All in all if Derek had to choose someone to have kids with he’d probably choose Stiles. Stiles has the nurturing and caring of Scott and Kira, the shrewd genius of Lydia Martin, the innocent curiosity of Isaac, nothing of Jackson and the kindness of Boyd. Everyone in the pack had their own definition, but Stiles bridged those definitions. Stiles was some of everyone.

“Wait, why are you talking as if you’d be the one to carry them?” Stiles stops saying something about an idea he has for a belt that turns into a baseball bat and looks at Derek.

“It’d have to be inflatable but- what? Oh, yeah, that was a while ago. What about it?”

“That’s impossible, Stiles.”

“Says the werewolf?” Stiles asks as though Derek is the man who just rhapsodized about the children he’d one day carry.

“Seriously, Stiles. How do you think having kids would work out if you ended up with a guy?” Derek watches Stiles go through his thought process and can pinpoint the moment he comes up with a solution.

“Well, if I do end up falling in love with a guy, I guess we’d just have to figure it out. Maybe we’d surrogate, or adopt. Strum up some magic?” Stiles says, as though it’s a natural part of conversation.

“Magic? Really?” Derek asks. Stiles shrugs.

“Why not? What’s the worst that could happen?” Derek snorts and Stiles grins. “Besides, can you imagine our kids, Derek? They’d be stunning!”

“You think?” Derek asks laughing, trying to imagine what that would look like. A tall, lanky boy with floppy brown hair and green eyes. Or a gorgeous girl with raven black hair and Stiles’ beautiful amber eyes.

“I was a tiny teenager, so puberty might be a bit rough.”

“Yeah, I was gangly as fuck and all of my limbs seemed to grow at different times. I was pretty awkward as a teenager.”

“Damn, really? One day you just woke up and put on your adonis cloak and you were good to go?” Derek winks at Stiles who flips him off. “That’s okay, a little ugly will build character, so they’ll be humble when they wake up one day as exquisite gods and goddesses.”

“I’m really proud of you, Stiles.” Derek says suddenly. Stiles eyebrows raise to the top of his head as he begins to blush.

“What? I mean, we were just talking about-.. what?” Derek sits up in bed and reaches out to put his hand on Stiles’ forearm.

“I’m proud of you. Stiles you were dealt a hand that many couldn’t play with as much as as you have. But not only do you play it, you win. You’re like Daredevil, you know? _‘Murdochs always get up!_ ’ That’s you, you get knocked down, but you always get up again. I wish I could be you, I wish I could do what you do.” Derek moves his hand and places both in his lap. Stiles reaches out and grabs it back.

“Derek, I.. I mean first off, thank you. That means so much coming from you, but I gotta admit, other than a really sentimental Chumbawumba reference, I don’t get it.” Stiles is watching Derek intensely and Derek can see the gears shifting around in his forehead. “Because everything you said to me, I could easily say to you. You’ve been through the most terrible things, the stuff that nightmares are born from. I know the nogitsune was bad, but the only reason I’m able to deal with it is because I have friends like you supporting me. For years you didn’t have that and you still managed to make it.”

“Each time something has risen up it’s taken more and more from you, and finally, this last time… even with Peter. I know he’s not technically dead, but he’s gone and I know he was your hero, that you looked out for him. I’m not saying that any of it was okay, but I know that it could have killed you, but instead it made you stronger. Shit, you compared me to a superhero? I’m not, I’m at most pre-serum Steve, but you, Derek? You’re Captain America.” Stiles squeezes his hand which just makes Derek realize how tightly he’s been hold Stiles’ back.

“Peter was my hero, but he’s not now. You’re all the hero anyone needs.” Derek says softly. Stiles drops his head bashfully and peers up at Derek through his lashes.

“Maybe you are the hero?”

“I can’t be your hero, Stiles. You don’t need me.”

“Why can’t you be my- wait, does that mean you need, Derek-”

“It’s all silly anyway. How about I be Bucky and we’ll call it a day?” Stiles nods and pats Derek on his thigh.

“Wanna play some _Kingdom Hearts_?” Stiles suggests, graciously dropping the subject for now. Derek nods and Stiles sets up the game while rambling about adamantium heels on a new boot he’s thinking about designing.

They play for a bit and talk more about nothing and everything before Derek heads to the window to leave.

“Derek?” Stiles calls out. Derek turns back around to see him sitting crosslegged on his bed, wearing a pair of pajama pants and a shirt with the Captain America shield on it. “Why can’t you be like me? What can’t you do? Do… do you mean the gay thing? I mean, if you’re gay-”

“I’m not gay, Stiles.” Derek says quickly, noticing the shift in Stiles’ eyes. He corrects himself, “I was talking about your ability to follow your heart and what you want. I don’t really have that choice. I have a lot of obligation for continuing my family and with that comes responsibility.”

“Great responsibility?” Stiles says, cocking his head slightly.

“Gotta keep that Hale card in play. All in at all costs.”

“Even your happiness.” Stiles asks as Derek peers at him.

“It’s not… I’m not unhappy about… _that_. I’m not some repressed Republican politician that’s going to end up caught in a whore house or something. It’s fine. I’ll find a lady wolf, pop out some kids, etc, etc.”

“Is that what you want?” Derek looks at Stiles as though that’s what he’s been saying this entire time.

“Yeah?” He’s not sure why it comes out as a question, but of course nothing goes unnoticed when it comes to Stiles.

“Was that a question?”

“Stiles, I gotta go.” Stiles nods and gives a short wave.

“Promise me you’ll use some of your minutes and call me tomorrow?” Derek turns towards the window and looks back, nodding.

“Yeah, of course I will.”

“G’night, Bucky.” Derek grumbles fondly.

“G’night Steve.”


	6. How the Hell Did This-?

Derek made the varsity basketball team at 15 years old. He was a sophomore, and he was so excited. He’d been training for months with the help of his good friend Camden, getting stronger and more skilled at the game which he loved. His dad and uncle were both proud of him and ran drills whenever possible. Peter was the first to congratulate him and Cam when they got home after the first practice.

“Congratulations boys! I’m so proud of you.” he said, clapping them both on the shoulder. Camden smiled big and reached down, grabbing Derek’s hand.

“I couldn’t have made it without Derek, here.” Derek smiled big back, squeezing Camden’s hand.

“We’re going upstairs to study and then we might shoot some hoops until dinner.” Derek said to his uncle while dragging Cam towards the stairs. Peter nodded slowly and watched the two as they left.

A few weeks later the boys were in Derek’s room finishing up their homework. Camden was talking excitedly about a WWE event he got to go to over the last weekend.

“Oh my god, D! It was crazy. The guy stood up on the ropes and was all “ _DO YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING?!_ ” and then he jumps off and just slams his elbow into the guy’s neck! I know you guys can heal from that, but this shit was intense, it looked like it hurt!” Derek shook his head and laughed.

“All that stuff is fake. It’s all choreographed for show.” Camden crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes looking at Derek.

“You take that back, Hale! The Rock is fucking genuine, and I won’t have you say anything bad about it. Or else the Caminator is gonna have to stop being polite-” Cam stands on Derek’s office chair, balancing precariously on the edge as he aims his body towards Derek on the bed, “-and start getting motherfucking real!” He launches himself off the bed and falls in a graceless heap on top of Derek who simply lets out an ‘oomph’ and starts laughing.

Camden isn’t offended by Derek’s lack of injury and decides to use another tactic by tickling Derek until he’s begging and pleading for Camden to stop. The mischief in Derek’s eyes let Cam know he was about to retaliate, so Cam tried to pin Derek’s hands to his sides.

“If you tickle me I’ll kiss you!” Cam yelled out. Derek stopped moving and looked up at Cam with sparkling silver eyes.

“Wha-what?” Cam was still laughing, but sobered up enough to repeat himself.

“I said, if you tickle me, I’ll kiss you, and you know, you don’t want that because maybe my breath smells or something.” He said, suddenly sheepish. He’d already let go of Derek’s wrists and had both fists anchored on either side of Derek’s head. Derek laid his hands on Camden’s thighs.

“Your breath doesn’t smell.” Derek said, almost in a whisper. Camden smirked slightly and leaned forward. At the same time Derek dug his fingers into Camden’s sides, causing him to holler out. Camden leaned all the way forward and pressed their lips together, not closing his eyes, but watching Derek the whole time.

Derek watched back, but finally closed his eyes as he tilted his head and ran his tongue along the seam of Camden’s lips, seeking entry. Cam’s eyes closed as he gave in.

Derek didn’t know what to do with his hands so he left them where they were. Camden seemed even less unsure so he simply framed them over Derek’s face as they kissed each other gently exploring the other’s mouth.

“Boys?” Both boy’s heads snapped to the door where Peter was standing. After the last time Peter caught him kissing a boy, and the whole situation was his cousin Matt, Derek knew that wasn’t a good expression on Peter’s face, though he tried to keep it as neutral as possible for Camden’s sake.

“Camden, why don’t you go downstairs and see if Mrs. Hale needs help with dinner? I need to talk to my nephew.” Camden looked at Derek and then back at Peter before nodding and heading downstairs. Derek sighed a heavy sigh as he sat up. He knew his uncle was pissed, but really he’d had it.

“Peter look, I know, it’s on me to further the Hale line and I gotta get with a girl, but I like Camden a lot and I don’t see why we can’t, you know, hang out?” Derek tried to be nonchalant, but Peter was having none of it. He pulled up a chair and sat across from Derek.

“I know in the past I’ve been a little crass.” Derek cringed remembering the Matthew situation while Peter folded his arms and waited for Derek to pay attention again. “But I don’t think you understand the severity of what I’m trying to impart to you. Broderick taking Talia’s name was a fluke, but because he did, you and your sisters are Hales. Maddie is with a woman and they’ve adopted kids, kids who aren’t pack and aren’t blood. They’ll never be Hales. Laura is off at college doing god knows what and Cora’s probably never going to marry much less build a dynasty. It’s all up to you, Derek.

“We’re constantly under attack. You don’t know because we shield you kids from it, but there are always people who are out there that don’t understand us and want to hurt us. And when you play these little games and give into these childish infatuations, you’re playing right into their hands. Without a strong pack you leave yourself weak and vulnerable, and we can’t have that. You’re strong, Derek and you’re important. It’s up to you to further this line. I’m counting on you and so are your parents. They’re going to be very disappointed when I tell them about today. They might not let Cam come over anymore.” Derek’s eyes widened as he considered the severity of the situation. He still didn’t understand why his parents would have a problem. They seemed to be fine with Madelaine and loved the kids, and they didn’t mind that Laura dated a lot while away at school; but Peter always looked out for him so he knew there must be some information he was missing.

“I’m so sorry, Uncle Peter! Please don’t tell mom, I promise I’ll do what’s right. I won’t kiss Camden, I’ll find a girlfriend.” Peter furrowed his eyebrow a bit, but then looked at Derek deep in his eyes and smiled slowly.

“I trust you, Derek. And hey, I’ve even got a solution for you. Her name is Paige, and she plays the cello. She’ll be in the music room practicing after school tomorrow. Why don’t you go and say hi?” Derek nodded and stood up to receive a hug from his uncle. Peter grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and squeezed.

“Stick with me, kid. It’s gonna be a little tough, but once you get there it’s going to be amazing, you’ll see. I’ll show you the way.” Derek nodded and went downstairs trying to figure out a way to tell Cam they couldn’t fool around anymore.

Just a few weeks later, Paige was dead.

_‘She’s human, you have to change her.’_

‘ _But that’s dangerous, isn’t it?_ ’

 _‘That’s a risk you’ll have to take._ ’

 _‘But why? Why can’t she just stay human? Aunt Marie is human._ ’

‘ _Because you fell in love with a boy, Derek. You’re already messed up. You need as many factors on your side as possible and shewolf is a biggie in the plus category. I’ll talk to Ennis and we’ll take care of it.’_

‘ _Be careful, Peter… I- I like this girl, she’s nice._ ’

‘ _You’ll love her soon enough, especially as a strong wolf._ ’

Derek recalled the information as he stood in his room, looking at his new feature. Peter sat in his chair behind him.

“Well, on the brightside, knowing she was this weak right away was a plus. I know it’s hard, Derek, but it’s good we found this out. We’ll just have to be more discriminating in the future.” Peter offered.

“Peter, stop, please. Just stop.” Derek’s eyes shined bright blue in the mirror back at him as his vision became blurry with tears. It’d been three weeks since the day he killed her and each day seemed to get harder and harder. They’d played it off as though she’d gotten abducted and then lost in the woods, her poor body at the mercy of the wild beasts in the forest. The coach knew they were dating and had understood when he quit the team. He ignored every text and call until they stopped. And then all the ones from Camden that never stopped. His phone buzzed on top of his dresser, he knew it was another attempt.

Peter nodded and patted Derek on the back he left the room. Derek looked in the mirror and flashed his eyes.

 

***

Derek stands in his bathroom and looks in the mirror at his tired hazel eyes. He’s gotten laugh lines around them; he cheekily blames Stiles for that. He wonders if their kids will have laugh lines when they’re little. Little lines from when they’re learning how to smile and just scrunch up their entire faces to show emotion. Little lines that smooth out as they get older, only to form again on weathered, aged skin. The kids that took after him would definitely have them, his father had them. The kids that took after Stiles might get forehead wrinkles, since Stiles’ brand of laughter was to open up his face as far as it could go in every possible way; wide eyes, gaping mouth, even his ears and nostrils flared out when he was particularly jubilant. Derek imagines their kids would have a mixture of forehead creases and laugh lines, and they’d be the happiest children on Earth.

It dawns on Derek why he doesn’t think in these terms, and it’s because they’re impossible. He and Stiles could never have kids. Stiles may look great in a wig, but that didn’t mean he suddenly had a magical uterus. Giving into fantasy was a fool’s errand and one Derek couldn’t afford if he wanted to stick to his goal of rebuilding his family. Hell, he wasn’t even ready to be a father, much less find a female to mate with, much less indulge in some cockamamie fantasy about a family with a guy that wouldn’t even work. This is why he can’t be gay, there’s literally no way it would work.

Yes, Stiles was right about surrogacy, but Derek doesn’t think he would feel comfortable not having the birther there. And he can’t adopt, he wouldn’t want to parent a child that’s not pack, not blood. At least he didn’t think he did, right? Peter used to tell him all the reasons it wouldn’t work. Whenever Derek started to doubt, Peter would always be there with a million reasons why he was correct, but Peter isn’t here now and Derek feels… lost.

He actually wouldn’t mind adopting at all. He would love to give a kid in need a home. If Derek can call his current hodgepodge of a pack, family, then surely he can claim and love some children of his own. Even if they weren’t blood.

Maybe that’s what Peter’s damage was? That they weren’t blood related? Derek could easily give them the Hale name, and he took a blood oath with all of his betas when he was alpha.

“Yeah, and we all thought it was gross and creepy and weird.” Erica says from the doorway. “I swear I researched forever after that and I’m pretty confident that’s not a thing.” Derek sighs, flashing his blue eyes in the mirror.

“Derek, what’s wrong?” Erica asks. She moves to take a step into the bathroom, but thinks better of it and leans against the frame. Derek rubs his face and scratches his nails through his beard.

“What the fuck was I thinking?” He was happy he could make Stiles feel comfortable, but Stiles probably thought he was an idiot now. He’ll never take Derek seriously if he goes around fantasizing about kids with the boy, kids he can never have. It’s one thing to joke around, but they talked about it almost like they were planning. Derek already knew the kid had a crush on him, he hoped he didn’t accidentally give Stiles any false hope, like he’d given hims-.

“You were thinking about fucking.” Erica says, bringing Derek out of his thoughts. He rolls his eyes.

“Erica, I’m serious.”

“So am I, Stilinski is not only perfect for you, but he’s a hot piece of ass. We both know it, and since I’m too good for him and currently... unavailable, I guess I’ll let you have him.”

“You’re too kind. You should get a reward for your humanitarianism.”

“I know, right?” Erica laughs and walks into the living room, perching herself in Derek’s chair while Derek sits on the couch with a beer he got from the kitchen. He used to hate when she stole his chair, but now he doesn’t mind so much.

“Maybe I should start distancing myself from him?” He says as he takes a slow sip. Erica doesn’t answer, simply rolls her eyes as Derek reaches for the remote.

His ringtone blares with the _Captain America_ theme and he knows somehow Stiles switched it out while Derek dozed off the night before. He answers with a smile.

“Hello Stiles.”

“You like the new ringtone?”

“It’s jaunty, it sounds familiar.” He can hear Stiles gasp audibly over the phone and can’t help the snicker that escapes from his mouth.

“Dammit, Derek! You can’t do that to me. I was about to be severly disappointed in you if you really didn’t know that. I was going to rethink our entire friendship!”

“If only I’d been able to hold in that laugh.”

“Whatever, old wolf, you know you can’t live without me. Besides, you better stop making fun of me because you’re gonna feel really bad after I say what I called to say.”

“What did you call to say, Stiles?” Derek takes a sip of his beer and waits patiently for Stiles to respond. After a moment, Stiles inhales deeply.

“Thank you.”

“Stiles, you don’t have to-”

“I know I don’t, Der. But, please, I gotta get this out and I’ve been wanting to say it to you, but it’s too… I can’t in person so I’m using your very precious minutes and I really wanna get this out, so please, just let me-”

“Okay, Stiles! Okay, I’m listening.”

“Thank you for being there, Derek. I don’t know how to really express to you how much it means, or in what way I can make it up to you, but you’re like, a fantastic role model and I appreciate it.”

“I’m not a role model. I’m not perfect.”

“Of course you’re a role model, and no one said you were perfect. But you’re still standing and that’s a fucking lot.”

“But I don’t get how that helps you, Stiles. I mean, you know I appreciate the accolades and I love that I can help you, but I feel like I’m not doing anything for it, for you.” Derek hears Stiles groan on the other side of the line, he’s frustrated, but not at Derek for not understanding, but at himself for not being able to articulate what he means. Derek’s heart sinks.

“Stiles, shit, here you are trying to be nice and I’m ruining it by being stupid. Just ignore me, please.”

“It helps me heal.” There’s a silence as Derek tries to process what Stiles means.

“What? Heal?” Even though he can’t see it, he knows Stiles is nodding.

“They say time heals all wounds, but I didn’t want to heal because I thought that if I healed I would forget, and if I forgot I would either repeat the bad things, or forget the good things. I know with all you’ve lost, your family, Boyd-”

“Boyd?” Derek looks towards his chair. Erica just blinks,

“And… and everyone, Derek! But you talk about them and that’s something I’ve been scared to do. I can’t talk about Allison, yet. Even when Scott brings up an old memory, I… I can’t. But you told me stories and you talked about kissing your cousin and I know he… or she or whatever isn’t here anymore, but you still told me and you didn’t sound... _distraught_. I want that, you know?”

“Yeah, Stiles. I know.” Derek hasn’t really thought about it before, but he supposes he has began to take solace in the memories, letting them comfort instead of suffocate him. “Also, we didn’t kiss, it was just me and I got, you know.”

“Hard around hi- or, actually, Derek was it a-”

“Healing doesn’t mean forgetting.” Derek says simply. “Because you’ll never forget. And it’s not getting over it, because you’ll never get over it. It’s about figuring out how to deal with it. Making it so that you can access the good times and let them help you.”

“Healing makes the good times bearable?” Stiles asks in nearly a whisper. Derek nods. They sit quietly for a few moments, just listening to the other breathe, not searching for anything to say, just remembering.

“So, uhh-” Stiles starts, “I talked to Scott, didn’t mention you, but just asked him about his prostate? It sounds stupid, but it’s a thing we do. Every now and again I’ll just call and be like, ‘ _hey buddy, how ya doin? How’s your prostate?_ ’. Honestly? I can’t remember how it started, but he always ends up giving me a really detailed explanation about his poo, but anyway-” Derek relaxes into familiar Stiles’ territory as the young man struggles to put together whatever nonsense he’s sure to spout.

“So I asked Scott if he would ever get a dildo and he said he wasn’t man enough to take something like that up his ass. He said the most he does is a little fingering in the shower or sometimes Kira slips one or two in when he’s fucking her.”

“See? I told you, there’s nothing gay about trying it with your prostate. Every guy does it.”

“Oh yeah, I know, that’s not why I told you.”

Derek’s eyebrow furrows because he knows something is coming, but with Stiles he can still never fully predict what. “Then why did you tell me?”

Stiles lets out a long sigh, “Well, we’re bros now, you and I, and I just had to scar someone else for life. Kira fucking crochets dude, think about where those skilled fingers have been the next time you snuggle up in those Christmas blankets she made us.” Derek grumbles and he can hear Stiles shudder on the other end of the line.

“Stiles, first off, I love that blanket and will continue to love it because sex is not gross and Kira’s very clean… _ahem_. Secondly, once you start having it on a regular basis and with more than just yourself-”

“Dude!”

“-then you’ll be just as unbearable with the details as Scott.”

“You’ll listen to my ravings when Scott kicks me out?” Stiles asks with a mixture of amusement and touching sincerity. Derek grins.

“I’ve already preordered the brain bleach.”

“Ha! I bet you get a discount if you order in bulk, I’ll check up on that and let you know when we talk tomorrow?”

“Sure, Stiles. Goodnight.”

“G’night Derek.” Derek disconnects his call and goes to take another pull of his now mostly warm beer. He drinks it anyway.

“I thought you were going to try and distance yourself from him?”

Derek sighs and walks to the kitchen to throw away his bottle. When he comes back out he notices his chair is empty and looks towards the top of the spiral staircase across the loft. He sits on the bed and speaks out loud, knowing he can be heard.

“Healing isn’t forgetting. It’s about making the good times bearable.” He lies down and sleeps better than he has in months.


	7. Time to Back Up All of That

“I’m getting out of here, I swear I am. I want you to come with me, Derek! They hate us here. My dad hates me, your uncle hates you. Let’s just leave, let’s just go! Now, today, I have some money saved up, I know people, Derek! Say something.”

“No.”

Derek stood at his locker slowly unpacking the things he would need for the first few hours of classes. Camden stood beside him, leaning against the lockers and trying to plan their escape. It was the first time they’d talked since the day they’d kiss. Camden acted as though he spoke with Derek every single day. He acted like Derek would know exactly what he was talking about.

He texted and emailed Derek every single day. And Derek did know.

“My uncle doesn’t hate me.” The words tasted like bile in Derek’s mouth. It felt like a lie, but he was sure it wasn’t. His uncle was just looking out for him. His stomach churned as he finally turned stormy eyes on Cam. “And I’m not going anywhere. What happened between us was a mistake. I’m not like you, Cam. I can’t be like you, I have to be more, for my family and-”

“So if I kissed you right now-”

“You better fucking not!” Derek said, much more unkindly than he’d intended, but he needed to make it clear to Cam that that part of his life was over.

“You didn’t have to cut me out. All you had to do was talk to me, but you stopped. And then that whole deal with Paige? Have you ever had anyone to talk to about that? Besides Peter? I mean, that’s heavy shit, Derek. I’m not saying I’m the best option, but I would have been better than no one! I am better than no one!” Camden plead as he tried to make Derek see him.

“You’re better than everyone.” Derek said quietly as he bowed his head. He looked up at Cam through his lashes, his hazel eyes swimming in Camden’s sea green ones. Cam gave a small smile.

“Yeah?” he asked, hopefully and pitifully. It made Derek’s heart flutter so he nodded. “Can we be friends again, D? I’ll… I’ll respect your boundaries or whatever. If you want a girlfriend that’s cool, okay? I just.. I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

From then the boys once again became inseparable. At school at least. They couldn’t go to Derek’s house without Peter seeing them, and they couldn’t go to Cam’s because his father was a tyrant and an abusive drunk. His favorite pastime was to cajole his son’s friend into a boxing match and make them dodge his jabs. Derek hated him and one day one of Mr. Lahey’s hits connected. It didn’t hurt for long, but Derek knew Cam’s dad was doing it to Cam and his little brother. He’d seen the bruises.

So mostly they’d meet at the nemeton. It’s where Paige died, but for some reason that made it comforting for Derek. He was able to go there because it’s one place Peter would never go to again. He knew that Peter had a long talk with Derek’s mother, and afterwards it’s like he’d completely forgotten where the nemeton was. Derek was holding off his talk for as long as he could.

Camden’s lips were something of a revelation for Derek. He didn’t know lips could be revelations, especially repeatedly, but when he kissed Camden under the dead roots of the once magical tree, he felt more alive and understanding of everything. He understood the color of his eyes, and the size of his heart. As his hands roamed over Camden’s chest and around his back, as they grasped Cam’s buttocks, and snaked around his thighs, he understood so much about himself. It was only in these moments, when their groins were pressed together, that everything was clear, and as soon as they parted again everything became unknown and cloudy again.

Derek resolved to stay together as much as possible.

“D-Der!” Camden gasped out as Derek’s lips left tiny marks on the human’s neck. Derek lifted his head and nipped at Cam’s bottom lip, kissing it sweetly.

“Yeah?” he smirked smugly at his… friend? No, friend seemed too plain, not so much now, but Derek used to have a lot of friends. Lover was too forward, but maybe-

“Do you love me, Derek?” Camden asked, his green eyes swirling in thin streams of sunlight that poured into the cellar this late in the day. Derek had always known, probably since the first time that they kissed that he was in love with Camden. He’d given the boy a lot of bullshit, but now he could give him this. He could give him his truth.

Derek nodded and knowing it wouldn’t be enough he leaned in and pressed his lips to his love’s ear.

“Camden Lahey… I love you.” Camden’s smile outshone every ray of light and pierced Derek’s heart.

“I love you, too.”

***

Ever since the concept of hide and seek was introduced to him, Derek was terrible at the game. He just wasn’t a predator. He could track things okay, but when it came to not being found he faltered. He’d always rather risk being found and then fight his way out of it, hiding was somehow more exhausting.

So when it came to hiding Camden, Derek thought the best way to hide was to distract.

“I have to get a girlfriend.” Camden smiled at Derek as they lay side by side on a blanket on the forest floor. They’d gone skinny dipping and were now allowing the warm summer breeze to air dry their bodies. Camden reached over and traced his initials over Derek’s heart.

“That’s smart, some cute little thing that no one will ever suspect.” Camden kissed Derek’s pec and then looked into the wolf’s eyes, they held cunning and vengeance.

“Nope, I’m gonna find a bad girl, from the wrong side of the tracks. Someone to basically shove in their face and say, ‘if you want me with a girl so bad, this is what you’re going to get!’. I’m thinking maybe Tiffany?” Derek looked at Camden whose jaw was dropped.

“Oh my god, Talia wouldn’t ever let Tiffany in the house, much less accept her as your girlfriend. When you show them how bad it could be, they won’t mind you bringing little old me around, right?” Derek ran his hand up Camden’s side and smiled.

He leaned in and kissed him sweetly on the lips, and in another revelatory moment, agreed. “They’ll be so blown away by the girl I choose, they’ll welcome you with open arms.” And they would, Derek was sure of it.

Tiffany Chatham was currently a former daddy’s girl who was sick of her father only buying her love. So she began to act out in major ways for his attention. Since the family were so rich and connected Tiffany never had to suffer the consequences of her acting out which meant her behavior just got more and more outlandish. Only the week prior she’d keyed and set the principal’s car on fire. She was perfect.

Courting her was easy, Werecreatures were known to some, but were a dangerous mystery to others. Tiffany having one as a boyfriend would definitely piss her dad off. She couldn’t wait to tell her dad about Derek’s knot despite the fact he’d had yet to pop one yet. That usually came later when you were with your mate, but whatever it took to get Tiff on his arm he was willing to do.

At first the plan worked splendidly until Derek started noticing another girl paying him attention. A distant cousin of Tiffany’s who was always at the Chatham mansion. Well, technically it was a mansion that belong to the Arjohn’s? Derek could never figure out what Tiffany was saying when she told him so he stopped asking. This girl though, well, she wasn’t a girl as much a she was a woman. A dirty blond woman who smoked cigarettes and cursed like no one’s business. Where Paige was sweet and open, Kate was hard and mysterious. Where Tiffany was deep down a romantic, Kate was cold and unfeeling. She was perfect.

“She’s perfect, Cam! And just imagine, if I’m kind of in a side thing with her and still dating Tiff? Then I can say like, you’re the one who convinced me that was stupid and you saved them from doing something crazy like burning my house down with me in it! It’s perfect!” Derek spoke excitedly into Camden’s neck who nuzzled back. Derek could smell the apprehension wafting from his love and pulled back to look him in the eyes.

“What? What is it?”

“Derek, I just think it’s too much. You don’t know anything about this Kate person, and she’s so much older than you. I just feel like it’s going to cause a lot of unnecessary trouble.” Derek tucks his finger under Cam’s chin, training it so they’d be looking directly at each other.

“I love you, Cam. And I want to be with you, this is the way to do it. You trust me? Don’t you?” Camden looked at Derek and smiled widely, nodding his assent.

“Of course I trust you, Der. I trust that you’ll take care of us.”

***

“The promises of children are bizarrely sentimental things, aren’t they? They mean well, but they can lead to a lot of mishaps if not fully realized.”

“Killing my entire family wasn’t a mishap, Peter.” Derek seethed as he stood in the burnt out shell of what used to be his home. Over 6 years after his world fell apart, he stood on the molded out heap that was to be his dynasty.

“I’m sure you didn’t mean for that boy to cause you to get your entire family killed. To cause me to inhale so much wolfsbane that I landed in a coma for close to a decade. That I became insane and killed…. _murdered_ my own niece. I’m sure when you were engaged in whatever debauchery you two got into, that you didn’t ever suppose that it would end with you decimating a timeless legacy, right? Of course not, how could you know? Who could have warned you that your reckless actions would lead to chaos?” Peter stood in the doorway, etching a design into the rotted wood.

“Peter, shut up.”

“No, Derek. I think I’ve had enough of being quiet. I think I need to talk more, talk louder, yell if I have to, SCREAM IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS! I’ll do whatever it takes until you listen to me. Until you understand that all of this could have been avoided. That you threw away everything because of a boy who could give you nothing! I will rant, and I will rave until you get it!”

“I GET IT! I KNOW!” Derek punched a hole in a wall that was already defying the laws of gravity. It collapsed in a heap. There was once a picture that hung there of him and his niece and nephews. It seemed like an arbitrary thought at the time, that they once had so much space, that there was room enough for a picture of him and his nephew and niece. The ones that weren’t even blood, weren’t even really Hales. They weren’t even really Hales and Derek still killed them.

“I know, Uncle Peter. And I’ll listen. I’ll listen. I’ll find a shewolf and I’ll fix it. Just give me time, and I’ll fix this.” Derek crouched to the floor and ran his forefinger through the soot on the floor as Peter walked up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, grasping firmly.

“You better.”

***

Falling for Kate was easy. Youthful naivety mixed with crippling self doubt and a Jesus complex was a heady combination on which Kate was all too eager to imbibe. She got Derek so far in her clutches that he unwittingly told her everything she wanted to know to destroy him.

It turned out the ‘Arjohns’ were in fact the Argents, a French hunting family with old ties to Beacon Hills. Kate was a bit of a radical and hellbent on the entire destruction of werewolves starting with their most recognizable family. She made Derek feel special and loved. She took his virginity, something he’d meant to save for Cam, but let go of one night while doing his first shots of wolfsbane laced vodka.

Firmly ensnared, he began to back away from his plan, from Tiffany, from his family, and from Cam. And Kate was happy to facilitate the move. She plowed him for information. He’d just assumed that she would want the bite one day, so they could be together forever, so he didn’t think it was strange when she had him get information on mountain ash and mistletoe and all the things that are designed to end an entire race of species.

Or at least enough to bury Derek. It’d been a fluke that he’d been out. He’d received a letter from Cam saying he was running away; and if he wanted to see him one last time to say goodbye, they would meet at the school. Derek was on his way, and as he was about to go in, he received the call from his sister. He’d never run home so fast in all his life.

Cam was gone, Kate was gone, Uncle Peter was in a coma and Laura was stuffing him into a car to someplace far away. Now, six years later they were back. Derek was the alpha and Peter was back from the dead (another notch in Derek’s Death Notebook, but this one intentional). He found out that they had money, enough to live on forever. He forewent rebuilding and instead invested in a building downtown. He got a pack, lost it. He was the alpha, lost that too. He merged with another pack that seemed to have a revolving door of changling members, but still, it was better than nothing. It was better than him. He was nothing, but he had to keep going.

***

Derek sits at his desk and goes through bills. They’re really just receipts where he records the dates each item was paid. It’s therapeutic for him, doing something so rote. Paying bills, buying groceries, cooking, working out. Those things that normal people with normal lives do, the things he craves when he’s not fighting for his life or more accurately, the lives of everybody except his.

“Were you ever going to tell Isaac about Cam?” Erica is spinning around in his office chair, her feet tucked under her as she uses the table itself to launch. Derek reaches out and grabs the arm of the chair halting her and gaining an eyeroll in the process.

“I never told you about Cam.” Erica shrugs and started playing with her hair.

“Do you still think it’s Parrish?” She asks casually. Derek had the theory for a while when Parrish first showed up. Cam was much more slight, but they had the same beautiful green eyes.

“Parrish smells weird, different. It could be Cam, but if it is, something happened.” Derek definitely smelled something supernatural on the new deputy, but he couldn’t pinpoint what. He didn’t make a habit of trying though, just being around the young man hurt his heart.

“He was your first love?” Erica says, watching Derek carefully. Derek shook his head, but before Erica can interrupt he answers.

“He was my only love.” This time it was Erica who shook her head.

“Not anymore, Derek. Nor hardly.” Derek knew she was talking about Stiles. Derek knew that now, that he loved Stiles. Not in a gay way though, but as a friend, as pack.

“It’s not the same Erica. Stiles is different. With Cam it was new and exciting and forbidden-”

“You made it forbidden then, you know that, right? Did you ever talk to your parents about what they would have thought if you had a boyfriend?”

“Uncle Peter-”

“Uncle Peter is fucking dead!” Erica was turning red with anger as she scooted the chair closer to Derek who was still staring intently on the paperwork before him. It was probably time to see if some of his funds were vested so he could roll them over into a new- “And he was the only reason you made it forbidden then and he’s the reason you’re making it forbidden now!”

Unable to continue pretending to ignore Erica’s rant, Derek sat back and closed his eyes.

“And in the meantime you have Stiles fucking Stilinski who is practically your soulmate and throwing himself all over you screaming in your face that he’s ready to be loved and willing to love you back and you’re letting a rotted corpse of a human being hold you back?”

“What kind of fucking sense does that make?!” They both say at the same time. Erica gasped, but Derek remained still. He’d heard this argument several times. He knew it by heart and Erica knew he knew, but she still continued.

“Peter’s fucking dead and even crazier now than he was back then! Why are you still hung up on him? You know he’s full of shit, Der.” She says more softly as he prepares his usual retort.

“He… he’s just looking out for me.” This is the point where Erica says something smart and pithy and leaves him to stew while she goes out and wreaks whatever havoc she has in store for the day.

“How come you won’t talk about him in past tense? Why do you act like he’s accessible, like he’s around? Is he in this room right now? Is he standing around filling your head with homophobic bullshit? Which! Why was he so hellbent against you getting with a guy? Because I’m pretty sure I saw him down at the Jungle a few times.”

Derek’s eyes fly open, this… was new. Peter had been locked away in the Eichen House for years. Trepanation made him a shell of a man. Derek hasn’t seen him in months, but he hasn’t counted him out yet, he could never count Peter out. Could he?

“He wanted me to be with you, you know?”

“Bullshit!” Erica yelled from somewhere.

“It’s true.” Derek said, thinking maybe it would reset the mood between him and the moody blond.

“No Derek, it’s not! He didn’t want you with _me_ , he _didn’t_ want you with Boyd because that’s where your gay ass was headed! Boyd used to talk about-”

“Don’t.” Derek’s family had known the Boyds for years and when he came back one of the first things he did was check in on them. He was devastated to learn about their youngest, that’s when he offered Boyd the bite. He and Boyd grew close right away. Peter didn’t like him at all until he started dating Erica. Derek assumed it was because she softened Boyd and made it clear that he wasn’t attempting to helm the wheel of the new Hale Pack, but it was always hard trying to understand Peter’s motivations for anything.

Loving Boyd was easy, but again, Derek knew he had an obligation and didn’t fool himself with romantic dalliances. He and Boyd were close in the way you grow close when you live together and train together. When you help one another become stronger and become so comfortable you can’t tell where you end and they begin. When they kissed it wasn’t about getting off, but about cementing that what they had was more than others, bigger, better, different.

“He’s my boyfriend, I can talk about him if I-” Derek slams his fist on the table and turns around in his chair.

“ _Was_ your boyfriend! You can’t yell at me about talking about Peter in present tense when he’s still alive and then talk about Boyd in the present tense when he’s not! There’s gotta be some order, some consistency. You have to follow rules or otherwise you’ll end up all alone.” Derek flails uncharacteristically and knocks several papers from his desk. He groans as he bends over to start picking them up from the floor. He can hear Erica come closer.

“Alone like you?”

“I’m not alone.”

“Yes you are, Derek. And you’ll stay that way unless you start opening your eyes and looking beyond the bullshit that Peter’s been feeding you for years. The bullshit that probably stopped being relevant years ago. Just… just think about it, okay?” Derek stills for a moment and then nods.

Normally this would be the point that Peter would show up and once again instill his vision for the future of the Hales, but Peter wasn’t here now and Derek didn’t know what to do.

“Wait, what do you mean you think you saw Peter at the Jungle?” Erica lets out a genuine laugh before shaking her head and leaving the room. Derek hasn’t really been to the Jungle for anything since the kanima and occasionally when he had to pick up Erica. There were times he’d thought he’d seen Peter there, but then the guy would always end up blowing someone out back and the lights were always so low. Derek usually just ignored it and would instead fill his mind with whatever drunken stories Erica produced.

But now… now he wonders.

Derek goes to the bathroom and turns the shower on as hot as it can go. He strips and gets inside, letting the hot water relax his muscles and the steam clear his head.


	8. Oh Baby!

Derek lets the water cascade over him and down the drain. He starts with a vegetable bar, getting his heated skin slick and pliable. Then he grabs his body wash and begins to massage out all the tension. 

He starts with his neck, running his hand in soothing circular patterns around the thick column, squeezing into the muscles that connected his neck to his shoulders. He squeezes his biceps and runs his hands over his chest, causing nearly forgotten pangs of pleasure to shock him when his fingertips graze over his nipples. He gasps and looks toward his closed bathroom door. 

If he’s going to do this, he’s going to do it right. He takes his forefinger and swirls it around his nipple before grabbing it between his thumb and forefinger and twisting lightly. Fuck that felt good and the moan that slipped from Derek’s throat just confirmed what he’d been missing for a while. Being preoccupied with otherworldly bullshit didn’t leave a lot of time to be intimate with an outside partner much less himself. At least not on this level, where Derek can let the water run and really take his time. He wishes he’d thought to bring his dildo in, but then realizing he’s a grown ass adult he steps out of the shower and out of the bathroom, dripping wet and naked as the day he was born. 

He retrieves the dildo and goes back into the shower which is still invitingly hot and steamy. He 

drops another dollop of body wash into the palm of his hands and soaps up his arms, his torso -being sure to avoid his slowly filling cock for now-, and his legs. As he soaps up his calves he slows down, making long, smooth caresses of his inner thighs and ass. With one hand he holds his asscheek aside and with the forefinger of the other he circles his rim teasingly, letting out a satisfied groan as he rakes his nails over the hairy, sensitive skin of his buttocks. 

He and Cam made out a lot, but were never intimate, life’s obstacles constantly in the way. Kate used to play with his ass, but for the most part he was pretty intoxicated when they were together, it was usually the only way he could get hard unless she massaged his prostate. She used to tease him, say awful things that he’s since blocked out, but she would say it while sucking him off so he figured there had to be some fondness attached. 

Shit, he didn’t want to think about Kate, or Cam. But he has to think of something to focus his thoughts as he inserts a finger into his ass, waiting patiently for his body to adjust to the delayed intrusion. Derek wonders if Stiles jacked off over guys and girls at the same time? Maybe he would fantasize about just guys on certain days and girls on the others. On Wednesdays he’d think about Jake Bass and on Fridays he’d dream of Lydia. Derek wonders if Stiles thinks of Lydia that way anymore, he would have said something, but then again Stiles was bi and didn’t say anything for a long time. 

As Derek tucks another finger next to the one already there he begins to wonder how Stiles found out he was bi. He wonders specifically if he had anything to do with it. Was Derek’s body enough to make someone question their sexuality? When Stiles looks at him, it’s as though he hung the moon, and Derek appreciates and understands that because he’s sure he looks at Stiles the same way. But how does that parlay into being bisexual? When did he stop imagining hugging his friend and then start imagining hugging them while naked and writhing against him, pressing their crotches together and snaking two, now three fingers into their ass, preparing them for your-

“Fuck, Stiles!” shit, what was Derek doing? His signals were clearly crossed, he didn’t know what he was thinking anymore. He should stop, he shouldn’t be thinking about Stiles this way. No, he’d think of a girl. Damn, a girl, a blond? No, too close to home and hell, maybe a brunette? Brunettes always made him think of Jennifer’s deceptions or Allison’s untimely departure. Derek saw the solution perfectly, copper brown with highlights. He knew that combination from somewhere, but couldn’t quite place it, it didn’t matter anyway. The girl was in front of him, naked, hair cascading down her back. She was slight of waist with a cute little bubble butt. 

She had a mole right below her shoulder blade and Derek wanted to kiss it. He leans forward, overtaken by the fantasy and her hair falls in the way, obscuring her face. 

He’s panting heavily now, imagining her smooth skin. She’s athletic, long lithe body, she’s tall with broad shoulders. She reaches a long finger up to pull back the hair. She throws her head back and he can see her plump, pink lips, her upturned nose, his jaw splattered with moles. He wants to kiss each one until he gets to his ear-

“Fuck, Stiles!” No wait, this wasn’t right, he shouldn’t be thinking about Stiles, except maybe… maybe it was okay? It was just this once and no one was around and this way he could just get through it and maybe find some new porn for next time? Derek felt around for where he’d placed his dildo in one of the cubbies in the shower and pointed it towards his entrance. 

“ _How does it feel?_ ” Stiles would say as he positioned his tip at Derek’s entrance and slowly, smoothly began pushing in.

“So good, baby.” Derek answers. Baby? That’s new, but he likes it, he thinks. Maybe it would be too much for Stiles. Maybe sweetie or honey? 

“Mother _fucker_!” Derek moans as the tip grazes his prostate filling him and taking him to the edge. 

_“Fuck, Der! I love you so much. You’re so tight, so fucking hot! Unngh, Derek, Derek!_ ”

“Stiles yes, please, fuck me! I love you, Stiles! I love you!” Derek gets a hand around his erection and pulls it in time with the thrusting in his ass. 

“ _Yes, baby. I love when you touch yourself, you look so fucking hot when you touch yourself because of me. Are you gonna come? Are you gonna come for me?_ ”

“Yes, Stiles. I’m gonna come for you! Only for you! Sti- _unnngh_!” Derek’s release is pulled from him like taffy, leaving him loose, sated and completely flummoxed. 

What the fuck was that? Derek rinses off and grabs his towel drying off quickly as he sits on his bed and grabs his phone. He dials the numbers completely by muscle memory at this point and waits for the line to pick up.

“Hello?”

“When did you know you were bi?”

***

Derek hears Stiles shifting like he’d just woken up from a nap. The grogginess of his voice proved his theory. “What? Like an exact date?”

“Have you ever done anything with a guy? Kissed? Sucked cock?”

“What? Did you just say ‘ _suck cock_ ’? Who is this?”

“Stiles answer the damned questions!”

Stiles take a deep breath and answers quickly, “It was a few years ago, I saw a super hot dude and we used to argue all the time, but after a while I started thinking more about kissing his face instead of punching it and I realized I may not be as straight as I thought I was, there are you happy?”

Derek was not happy. Derek wanted to punch this guy in the face (it was probably Jackson… _it better not be Jackson._..), but he was too busy considering the fact that he was jealous which mere hours ago wouldn’t have occurred to him as a possibility, but now it was. Derek waits for a moment for his Uncle Peter to tell him now, that it’s not a possibility and he can’t think about being jealous about Stiles liking some dicknose.

“Derek? Are you there?” And it’s Stiles’ voice and not Peter’s and Derek starts again. 

“Have you ever done anything with a guy?”

“Define _anything_.”

“Have you and another penis-having male ever engaged in acts that could be defined as sexual in nature?”

“Well now, Derek. According to a lot of regency romance novels, a lot of what you and I do could be defined as sexual in nature. Just last week you tickled me nearly to death.”

“You wrestled me to the ground and sat on my head!”

“You bet me I couldn’t! What did you think was going to happen?”

“Stiles, focus! You know what I mean! Stuff like flirting-” Derek insists. Stiles huffs.

“Isn’t that kind of what we’re doing now? I know my eyebrows are wagging!”

“Actions designed to get a dick in or near a hole of your choice!”

“What is this about, Der? Don’t you dare try to assume that just because I’ve never been with a guy doesn’t mean I’m not bi! You don’t have to dunk the donut stick for it to get… uhh, damn, I should have thought that analogy out.”

“Jesus, Stiles, I don’t think that at all! I’m just wondering… I mean, I didn’t think that you didn’t know you were bi, but I’m just trying to understand what made it concrete for you. What cemented it. What changed?”

“Well nothing really changed per se, except my dating pool became larger. Socially I guess some things are different, I pay more attention to LGBTQ issues, but I kind of did that before, just now with even more appreciation, I guess. I’m bi, it might change some circumstances, but it doesn’t change who I am.”

“That’s because you know who you are!”

“Yeah? Okay, so what? Why are you being so intense about this?”

“Because I don’t!” And that was really it. Derek has always been told who he was; the son of Talia and Broderick Hale, the lynchpin of a legacy, the destroyer of a dynasty, probably several other alliterative titles. But Derek never took the time to figure out who he himself was. Even recently, he’d always gone on what Peter said, but Peter was away now and Stiles was here. And where Peter was glad to offer up his opinion on how Derek lived his life, Stiles was more willing to help Derek decide the path that he wants. And Derek loves him for that. 

“Derek… you’re… Derek Hale. And whatever that means is up for you to decide, okay?” Derek can hear Stiles holding his breath as he lets his own out.

“I think I’m bi.” The line goes quiet, but Derek can hear Stiles’ heart. It’s steady.

“Oh?”

“No.” Derek says with sudden realization.

“No?”

“No, I’m not bi, I’m super fucking gay.” Derek rubs his face as Stiles huffs out a laugh of shock and relief. Derek joins him and the two chuckle over the phone. 

“Dammit, Derek, that’s… you’re… you’re fantastic. Congratulations! I’m really-”

“Please don’t say you’re proud of me. I feel like I’m too damn old to be having this kind of crisis and-”

“First off, dude, you’re firmly in your twenties.”

“I know!”

“Ethel still stops you and wastes your blessed youth because you have so much of it.”

“She does! I only have to buy one bottle of Centrum.”

“See? You’re practically a babe. And even if you weren’t, you’re never too old to find yourself.”

“That was very mature and wise of you, Stiles.”

“Thank you, Derek! Also, I’ve done a lot of research on the being gay thing too, I could send you some links, but I warn you, some of it is pornographic.”

“I knew it wasn’t going to last, I should have savoured it more.”

“Okay, most of it is pornographic, but honestly, some of it isn’t!”

“We were so close to having an adult moment full of valid and necessary emotion.”

“Derek?”

“Yes, Stiles?”

“Only about 10% isn’t porn, but it’s still all very helpful.”

“I can’t be gay, can I? How will I have kids? I’m supposed to have kids so I can rebuild my family. I can’t do that and be gay.”

“Derek you can do whatever the fuck you want. You don’t have to have a female mate to do that. And it’s kinda of obvious you don’t want one. I mean, not to poke at old wounds, but the last two you chose were less than stellar. Braeden didn’t hurt you, but she always had that footnote of _‘yet’_ attached, you know? You didn’t trust her.” Derek thinks about how he never felt at peace with Braeden. She was a phenomenal woman, and was up until the day she left town and they’d lost touch, but she wasn’t for him. 

“You always talked about that plan like it was Peter’s anyway. And well, we both know Peter is full of shit, and look where he is now. In a mental institution where he probably couldn’t tell you his own name. I know you think he’s the last of your family left, but you’ve got a new family now. I know it will never be the same, but we… we love you, Der. And we support you in everything. If you keep denying yourself your happiness you’re gonna end up right next to Peter.“

Derek lays back on his bed and snorts. “That’s a little melodramatic don’t you think?” Stiles snorts back. 

“Says the Hale! You guys go hard or go home when it comes to melodrama. If you deny yourself you will go insane. There’s no middle ground here, Derek, either you’re going to be deliriously happy or sullenly miserable.”

“I can be happy.” Derek states, and for once it’s not a question. 

“Hell yeah, you can. Shit, Derek. This is a big night for you, huh?” Derek can hear Stiles’ smile over the phone and is surprised to find that his matches. 

“Yeah, wow, yeah it is.” 

“Do you… should you be alone right now? I could come by? We don’t even have to talk about it if you don’t want, I just think you might like some company?” Derek thinks about Stiles coming over now. He looks around his loft. He should dust, and he’ll need food for breakfast, and shit, that was really forward.

“Yes, but not tonight, okay? Tomorrow?”

“Oh.. uhh, okay. Umm, tomorrow is Saturday.”

“Yeah. You have plans for the weekend?” Derek asked, heart caught in his throat. 

“No, no plans.” Stiles says as Derek exhales. 

“Come over tomorrow.”

“6?”

“8.”

“That’s a little late isn’t it? I mean, I figured we could watch a couple of movies or something and my dad is still suspiciously weird about weekend night driving even if I am officially an adult.”

“You can crash if it gets late.” Derek supplies, hoping Stiles won’t realize it was his plan all along.

“Okay, see you then, and Derek?”

“Yeah?” Derek waits during a pregnant pause. Not anxious, but rather ready, finally ready to hear his love’s voice.

“I’m proud of you.” Stiles says smoothly. Derek lets out a laugh and hears Stiles chuckling in the background. 

“Such a dick.”

“Did you just tell me to suck a dick, because-”

“Yes Stiles, now good night.”

“Night, Der.”

***

That night Derek dreams. He doesn’t often dream, usually just resigns himself to darkened blank slates that pass as rest before he has to get up the next day. That night, though? Derek dreams. He’s standing in front a house, a majestic house, nearly a manor. There are three stories, a giant wrap around porch, three balconies and vine covered trestles. Derek was standing in the drive, the house had a drive, something from a gate, he could tell, that curved in front of the house and a side access road to reach the garages. 

The house was grand and magnificent in a gorgeous mixture of brick and siding. There were chimneys indicating fireplaces, a well manicured lawn and even a tree house. A mat on the porch proclaimed this to be the Hale house as it lay welcomingly in front of a large red door. The house was beautiful, but more importantly? The house was full.

“They’re home! Come on!” a young voice rang out as a raven haired girl with sparkling hazel eyes came running out of the house. Derek looked around to see whom “they” indicated and saw his mate to the left, bending over at their side to unhook the baby from the car. 

Their baby.

“Papa, did you bring him? Did you bring brother?” Derek picks up the young girl and scents her. She’s a werewolf. She’s not his biologically, but she still smells like pack, like family and home. 

“Sure did, Maddie baby! Meet your little brother Benji.” Derek’s mate pulls the baby seat from the car and Maddie leans forward to coo at the baby inside. 

“He’s pretty.”

“Yes he is, looks just like his daddy.” Derek says. He looks up at his mate and Stiles grins back at him. 

Derek wakes up slowly and peacefully, huffing lightly to himself. 

“ _Yeah, he may look like me, but he’s only a few days old and he’s already perfected that perfect assHale eyeroll_.” He deadpans to himself in pure Stilinski fashion.

“What?” Derek looks around the loft and sees Erica sitting on the couch looking at him wistfully.

“Nothing, I was just imagining… I haven’t seen you around for a while.”

“You mean since yesterday?” She quips, giving him an obvious wink.

“You’re always around.” Derek says, wondering where she goes when she’s not there. 

“You always keep me around, though now it seems like I gotta reason to not be around?” Erica lifts both eyebrows in question and Derek grins in acknowledgement.

“Just for the weekend. I need tonight and tomorrow.”

“We’ll see, have fun.” With that Erica heads back upstairs, and Derek starts preparing. 


	9. We Be All Night

It’s 7:58pm and Derek can hear Stiles pulling up in his Jeep. He parks in the same space as he always does and keys in the code to the outer door. Derek opens the loft door, greeting the young man as he makes his way inside. He’s brought over a duffle bag and some chinese food. Derek takes the food and motions for Stiles to throw the bag by the bed. Stiles looks for a moment after Derek who’s turned away and is putting the food into the fridge. Stiles comes into the kitchen a moment later and sees Derek grabbing out a beer, noticing the food inside.

“What?” he asks, pointing to the bag.

“Just keeping it there for now and we can warm it up later.” Derek says as he rustles inside his drawer for a churchkey. He pulls one out and uncaps the bottles handing it over to Stiles who takes it warily.

“Are you not hungry now?” Stiles asks before taking a long pull, his adam’s apple bouncing tantalizingly along his neck. Derek turns back to the fridge to grab another bottle.

“Not for food.” He mumbles.

“What? Should I have brought pizza instead?” Stiles stammers, suddenly anxious. Derek can tell he’s nervous about the situation and is about to go into one of his rambling spirals.

“Stiles, no. Stop, listen to me.”

“I could have brought burgers, but they don’t travel well unless you wanted to go out. Did you want to go out?” Stiles rubs the back of his neck and starts pacing the small area in the kitchen.

“Stiles, c’mon. This isn’t about the fucking food!”

“I guess chopped salads, but- wait, _what_?!” Stiles stops suddenly and points an accusatory finger at Derek. “You said ‘ _this isn’t about food_ ’ which implies that _this_ is a thing! A _thing_ that means something more than what I know and you know I hate not fucking knowing, Der, so what the fuck is _this_!”

“Jesus, no wonder you can’t get laid.” Derek says as he crosses his arms over his chest and waits out Stiles’ mini breakdown.

“Rude!”

“You cockblock yourself.”

“What?! I, what?” Stiles asks, completely jettisoned.

“I think we should have sex.” Derek says calmly as Stiles completely loses his shit.

“Derek, what the actual fuck?! Wait a minute, wait one damned second, no, back the fuck up!” Stiles is sputtering and gesturing wildly and finally gathers himself enough to spit out, “How do I cockblock myself?!”

Derek rolls his eyes fondly.

“Stiles, how many times has a guy stood in front of you and mentally undressed you? How many times have you stared while they let their lips silently speak the things they would do to you?”

Stiles suddenly becomes very still as he makes eye contact with Derek. He takes a step forward.

“Silently, eh? And I’m cockblocking myself? How am I supposed to know if you don’t say anything?” He says before taking another step.

“How many guys have given you the elevators eyes, always getting stalled on the lower levels?” Derek says as his eyes do just that. Stiles stops and snorts at himself.

“Yeah right, guy. Like _that_ ever, I mean, I’ve got the nerd thing going for me, but guys aren’t like… _lining_ \- shut up!” A blush creeps into Stiles’ cheeks as he ducks his head to avoid Derek’s assessing glances. Derek reaches forward and tucks a finger under Stiles’ chin, lifting his head to meet his eyes.

“You’re so fucking oblivious to how beautiful you are. And I bet a million guys have tried to tell you and you wouldn’t listen. Like that guy you were crushing on that made you discover you were bi. I bet he tried to tell you a million different ways how much he wanted you and you didn’t even notice.” Stiles leans back slightly, looking at Derek with everything in him, longing, pleading, desire.

“Derek… Derek. I noticed.” Stiles says as he rests his hands on Derek’s forearms. Derek shakes his head.

“No, if you’d noticed you wouldn’t be a virgin.” Stiles smirks quietly, sweetly.

“It takes two, Der. The guy I notice has to notice me too. You have to notice me too, Der.” Stiles huffs as Derek pulls him close by his belt loops. Stiles wraps his arms around Derek as Derek leans in to scent Stiles’ neck.

“B-but even before me. That guy you were crushing on.”

“There was no one before you.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re everything.”

“You’re it for me, Stiles. Is that okay? I don’t want anyone but you.”

“Derek, yes!”

Derek presses his lips to Stiles’ throat lightly and drags them over his chin until they’re perfectly slotted over Stiles’ own. Stiles leans forward with timid urgency and turns his head slightly, prodding at the seal of Derek’s lips with his tongue. Derek smiles and opens, capturing Stiles tongue in his mouth.

Damn Derek loves kissing. He loves the swirl of his tongue along Stiles’, play fighting for dominance, as their lips embrace. He loves caressing Stiles’ neck while anchoring one hand on the boy’s lower back, keeping him close and warm. He loves how Stiles’ body reacts, hands roving and groping onto every part of the wolf that it can. Sometimes bold as they grabbed his ass and then timid as they lay on his chest. He loves when Stiles throws both arms around Derek’s shoulders and threw his head back allowing Derek to ravage his neck and collarbone. He loves when Stiles throws his leg around Derek’s waist grinding their steadily growing erections together.

And the noises. The moans and groans and grunts and ‘yes’ and ‘please’ and ‘I need’ and ‘Derek’ and fuck it all if Derek didn’t love his name that day more than any other, when Stiles said it dripping with lust and finality.

“Stiles!” and Derek was sure Stiles loved hearing his name just as much because when Derek said it Stiles would nearly whimper and press against him all the more. “Stiles, Stiles, _Stiles-_ ”

“Derek, shit, wait!” Stiles pushes himself away from Derek and jumps up and down a few times fanning himself. “Fucking wait! Wait just a damned… oh my god, Derek!”

But Derek didn’t want to wait so he followed Stiles and wrapped himself around him, pressing him against the frame of the door to the kitchen and sliding his hands under the boy’s shirt. Stiles gasps and pushes Derek away again, this time backing into the loft. Derek follows him slowly, like a predator. Stiles holds up a finger.

“W-wait. Okay. I wanna do this, but I’m gonna come in my pants and I _don’t_ want to do that. We need to talk though. We need to set some ground rules, okay? And let’s say, uhh, for every rule we set, I get a little naked?” Stiles voice is drunk with lust and he looks at Derek hopefully. Derek just growls which Stiles takes as agreement.

“Okay, now Derek. I need to know what you want to do. We can do handjobs, or we can even just kiss and maybe rub-”

“I wanna fuck you.”

“Fuck, Derek!” Stiles says as he bends over, grabbing the base of his penis roughly so as not to spoil his load. “You just can’t fucking say shit like that!”

“I want you.” Derek states. Stiles grins.

“ _Na na_?”

“What?”

“It’s.. from the song, sorry, nevermind, now wait, you want to fuck me-”

“Your shirt.”

“What?”

“You said for every answer you would get more naked. I want you to start with your shirt.” Derek indicates Stiles’ graphic tee, but the cheeky little imp simply removes his plaid overshirt. Derek flashes his eyes.

“Hey! Don’t do that yet.”

“Yet?”

“Question 2! Have you ever done anything with a guy?”

“I’ve kissed a few. Messed around here or there, but never have gone all the way. My first love was a guy. All we did was kiss though.”

“That’s so sweet, Derek.” Stiles says, suddenly a little more in control, “Who was it? What happened to them?”

“Isaac’s older brother,” Stiles stares at Derek with wide eyes as Derek waves it off. “It’s a long story.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Stiles asks. Derek shrugs.

“Later, maybe.”

Stiles nods and fingers the bottom of his shirt.

“We’ll have that? Laters?”

Derek grins wide and points to where Stiles’ fingers are resting on his waist.

“Yeah, now the other shirt.” He says as he subconsciously licks his lips. Stiles pulls off his shirt exposing, tan flesh. Perky dark pink nipples with a swirl of chest hair in between, and further down his torso is the beginning of a dark, lush happy trail that Derek can’t wait to tangle his tongue in.

“What next?” He looks up at Stiles greedily, but Stiles’ own eyes are mostly blacked out with lust as he undoes the top button of his jeans.

“We have a lot to talk about, Derek.”

“Yeah.” Derek agrees as Stiles slowly unzips and pushes his jeans to the floor. He’s got skinny hairy legs, but smooth thighs. He’s wearing black boxer briefs with a batman logo over his crotch.

“And we should probably do that before doing anything physical.”

“No.” Derek disagrees and tears off his own shirt, causing Stiles to trip over nothing. Derek tosses the shirt aside and starts pacing towards Stiles.

“You’re trying to make me pass out, aren’t you? You’re whole being is like a giant roofie.”

“If you pass out I’m gonna do weird stuff to you while you’re under.”

“That shouldn’t be so hot, Derek, maybe we should get dressed,” Stiles hooks his thumbs under the band of his underwear and looks up through his lashes, “and really talk about what’s happening, because honestly I’m still not entirely sure.”

“If you don’t pass out, you can do weird stuff to me right now.” Derek says, trying to get things back on track.

“That seemed like a statement that should have been related to something, but my mind is so dickfucked, that whatever you just said is brilliant and I want you right now, Derek. So fucking bad! Fuck me.”

“Fuck me.” Derek growls as he pulls off his jeans.

“That too?” Stiles mewls as he finally dropped his briefs, his erection bouncing against his belly as his balls swing freely between his legs. Derek nods.

“Hell yeah.”

“Jesus Christ, Derek!”

“Come here.”

***

Stiles launches himself at Derek, climbing up his body and hooking his legs around Derek’s waist. Derek catches him easily and kisses him roughly while carrying him over to the bed. He lowers the boy beneath him and hovers over his body, staring deeply into his eyes.

He runs his determined hands up and down Stiles’ thighs, drawing little purrs from him as he coaxes him to comfort. He leans down and affixes his mouth over Stiles’ nipple, sucking lightly before worrying the nub gently between his teeth. Stiles’ bucks up and sighs, using what little strength he has left to push Derek away to kneeling on his haunches. Derek inhales the gorgeous scent of Stiles’ lusty desire as he looks at his treat all laid out for him, heaving with need.

“I want you to fuck me.” Stiles pants out. Derek raises an eyebrow.

“That was the plan.” He supplies. Stiles shakes his head.

“No, the plan was to come over and celebrate you coming out -this is not the same thing, you ass, just listen!- not to fuck. So while I am clean because I fingered myself in the shower before I came over here, I’m still a virgin and your dick looks super intimidating and delicious in those briefs which you’re still wearing for some unfathomable reason!” Stiles sits up and gestures Derek all the way to his knees so he can get his hands on the waistband. Stiles looks up briefly asking for permission and receives enthusiastic consent from Derek.

Stiles leans forward and presses his tongue to a wet spot in the fabric. Derek moans as Stiles then wraps his lips around the head of Derek’s cock through the cotton and sucks lightly.

“Oh my god, you have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do this.” He says as he drags his cheek up and down the outline of Derek’s dick before planting his nose in the crease between Derek’s thigh and groin and inhaling. He tilts his head back to look at Derek who is gasping for air and glaring at him with electric blue eyes.

“Stiles!”

“Lube?”

“Yes.”

“Fuck, where?” Like a flash Derek leans over to his nightstand and pulls the lube out. He also pulls out the dildo and Stiles moans.

“Fuck it” He says before taking the dildo and licking it up to the tip, chasing something undefinable. Derek’s brain nearly breaks at the sight.

“That’s just… just to help open you up. I’ve got an actual dick for sucking.”

“I know, I want that too.”

“Fuck, Stiles.”

“Yeah, but suck Derek first, okay?” Derek nods as Stiles pushes him on his back and finally rips off his underwear with so much force he almost goes flying back off the bed. Derek lets out a happy yelp, but it’s not mocking, just gleeful. He’s just so happy he can barely stand it and the only thing in front of him was more.

Stiles ravages his mouth before tonguing his way through Derek’s stubble and biting temporary marks into the werewolf’s neck. He kisses down his chest taking rest stops at Derek’s hardened pink nipples. The man groans and gyrates his hips as Stiles assaults his nipples before continuing his way down Derek’s torso. Finally in front of his cock, Stiles grasps it hard by the base and licks a long, winding line from base to tip, sucking as hard as he dares on the mushroomed head, tonguing the slit. Even at his hardest Derek’s foreskin is still malleable and Stiles seems to delight in gliding it over Derek’s tip and Stiles’ own tongue.

He glides his lips down to take as much of the shaft as he can, hollowing his cheeks and bobbing his head in time with his hand also working on the base. Derek reaches out and grabs a handful of Stiles’ hair, tearing him away from his cock. Stiles is the picture of pure debauchery, his lips plump and swollen as a thin line of drool strings it’s way from Stiles’ bottom lip to Derek’s tip. Stiles’ eyes are dilated and his face is flushed and open. Derek exhales roughly.

“If you keep doing that, I’m going to come before I fuck you.”

Stiles simply nods and grabs the lube handing it to Derek. Then he turns around, dropping his shoulders to the bed and ambling up on his knees. He reaches back and pulls his cheeks apart, looking at Derek expectedly.

“C’mon, Der. Get me ready for your cock.”

Derek knew that Stiles was listed as the third beneficiary of his property if something were to happen to Derek. First was Peter, which meant Derek really needed to update those records. Then there was Deaton, who also handled Peter’s and the pack’s affairs. Finally there was Stiles, which was a not so great experience because Derek had to explain to the sheriff why he was willing all of his assets to his underaged son. Derek wasn’t sure how Stiles was planning to take out Deaton and Peter, but he knew now was his time. Stiles was going to kill him. Stiles with his eager asshole winking at Derek. His hooded eyes flooded with horny sincerity, and his body spread out like a buffet prepared just for Derek’s ravenous wolf to feast upon.

“You can’t keep it as a gift, you know. You’ll have to pay taxes on the lump sum.” Derek found himself saying.

“What?” Stiles asks, but can’t really process even if Derek did give an answer since most of the blood in his body has pooled in one place.

“Stiles lie on your back, I wanna see you.” Stiles nods and turns over drawing both legs up and out, once again exposing his asshole. Once again trying to kill Derek.

“Damn you, Stiles!” Derek says, squeezing some lube into his hand and warming it in between his fingers. He’s about to start when he thinks of something else.

“Stiles, can I taste you?” Stiles huffs as his head bobs up and down quickly. Derek leans forward and traces his tongue teasingly around Stiles’ hole. He gathers up spit and slips his tongue just inside the ring. The taste of the boy is nearly overwhelming to him. Earthy and spicy and _Stiles_ and perfect. Derek takes one of his lubed fingers and slips it in alongside his tongue. Stiles is shaking above him and cursing steadily while calling out Derek’s name. It’s the most beautiful symphony that Derek has ever heard.

Derek works his way up to two fingers and then reaches for the dildo. He slicks it up and slides it in smoothly, tucking a finger in beside it. Stiles moans obscenely and bucks his hips up to meet the pointed toy.

“Derek, please! I’m ready, just.. just fucking get inside of me please. Need you, Der.” Never one to deny his mate, Derek withdraws the dildo and lines up at Stiles’ entrance. He leans forward and gives him a searing hot kiss and slips in the tip as their lips smack apart.

“Oh my god, oh yes!” Stiles says as one hand grasps the sheets and the other reaches for Derek’s ass to pull him deeper. Derek tangles one hand in Stiles hair and grabs the boy’s hip with the other as he sinks into his love all the way to the base. Stiles is still shaking and lets out a stuttering sigh as he adjusts to this welcome intrusion.

“So fucking tight, Stiles.”

“So fucking full, Derek.”

“Can I-, please say I can start-”

“Fucking move, Derek. Fuck me!” Stiles demands.

So Derek does. With everything he has he thrusts into Stiles, trying different angles until he finds the way that leaves the boy breathless and slobbering out variations of his name. He pistons his hips in and out and Stiles matches him thrust for thrust, giving as good as he gets and fucking Derek as good as he’s getting fucked.

Derek gets lost in the moment and doesn’t notice the swelling at the base of his cock right away.

“Der?” Stiles asks as the new bulbous growth catches on the boy’s rim, causing him to cry out in ecstasy.

“Stiles!” Derek answers, continuing to grind into his wanton mate.

“Derek, is that? Is that your knot?”

“Y-yeah, I think it is.” he says sweetly. Stiles eyes shoot open.

“Oh my god, get off of me! I don’t wanna get pregnant! Pull out, pull out!” Stiles slaps on Derek’s chest causing Derek’s eyes to go wide as he pushes himself off of Stiles and lands on his back. At that moment he starts to come.

Stiles snaps back to attention after a few enraptured seconds and makes a tight fist with both hands around Derek’s knot, trying to simulate a tight warm cavity.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, but I didn’t even know you could knot, I thought that only happened while mating and I know that involves breeding and I love kids and want them, but not that soon, I’m too young to get mpregged and-”

“ _Shhhhh_!” Derek insists as he sprays cum nearly everywhere. All over himself and Stiles is slick with it. Derek has to close his eyes as the sight of Stiles covered in his jizz is not helping the matter to slow down. “Can’t be bred… boy. You’re-”

“You’re a werewolf, Derek. And you have a knot! Anything’s possible and I’m not taking any chances with your magical werewolf sperm.” And Derek agrees, but mostly because he’s losing his mind to orgasm and coming like a broken sprinkler. Stiles is massaging his knot which must feel like a hot mug of cocoa in his hands.

“Oh man, I feel so bad, I’m so sorry dude. This is why we should have discussed things. I just left you hanging, I don’t see how you want me. I’m such-”

“I want you.” Derek says without ceremony.

“ _Na-na_. Sorry, now it’s stuck in my head. You want guys? Since you’re all gay now?”

“No, i want you.”

“ _Surfboard_.”

“What?”

“Nevermind. So you want me?”

“Yeah.”

“In your bed?”

“In my ass.”

Stiles laughs.

“Okay.”

“And in my arms.” Stiles crosses his legs and gives Derek’s knot another squeeze.

“Really?” Derek nods as another wave of orgasm breaks over him.

“In my kitchen, watching as I make us dinner. Under my arm as we cuddle in the back of the movie theater.”

“You don’t go to the movies, Der.”

“I want you.”

“Fuck, Derek.”

“Fuck me. You. Fuck me.”

“Shit, Derek.”

“ _Grainin’ on that wood, grain, grainin’ on that wood_.”

Stiles jaw drops in shock. “Dammit Derek! You do know Queen B. How the hell did it take you so long to come out?”

“You love me.” Derek doesn’t say it as a question, but instead as an obvious declaration. Because of course Stiles loves him. And of course he loves Stiles. Stiles leans forward and pecks Derek on the nose.

“Yeah, I do. And you love me?” And Derek understands why Stiles asks, because he’s still scared, but then again so is Derek. He’ll just have to show him.

“Of course I love you. I’ve told you I love you.”

“Derek you’ve never told anyone, anything ever!”

“I’ve told you, you just didn’t hear.” The last of Derek’s cum starts to dribble from his cock as his knot goes down. He’s tired and weary and absolutely blissed out. Stiles reaches forward and drags a thumb over Derek’s cheek.

“Ah I see, so we’re talking about subtext here, _hmm_ subliminal wolf?”

“ _Mmmhmmm…_ ” Derek moans, closing his eyes and luxuriating in the afterglow.

“Every time you threw me against a wall, every time you soccermom’d me in my own Jeep?”

“ _Stilessss_...”

“I love you too, my wolf.”

“I know you do.” Derek swallows hard and tries to nod.

“Are you trying to Han Solo me? Dude, I fucking-”

“Love me. You fucking love me.”

“Yeah, and you love me.”

“I do.” Stiles looks at Derek thoughtfully.

“What cinched it for you? Was it the wig? Was it the way I wear my hat?”

“The way you wear your ass is sexy as fuck, but I fell in love when you were wet. Your eyes were shining so bright and clear in the moonlight.”

“I was wet? When was that?”

“The pool.”

“Oh, wow! That long ago?”

“You saved me.”

“I’ll always save you.” Stiles gets up from the bed and grabs a wet towel to wipe Derek down.

“You didn’t come.” Derek says, even though he’s currently unable to do anything about it.

“I know, when you get your strength back, you’re going to have to take care of that.” Stiles says as he gently wipes the wolf clean.

“What about you?”

“What about me, what?”

“When did you know you loved me?” Derek asks as he slowly begins to drift into a sated slumber. Stiles watches him as he slips under and holds his hand, smirking.

“Well… my buddy Scott and I were in the woods, and this asshole yelled at us that we’re on private property...”


	10. Love.

The next morning Derek wakes up experiencing the kind of aches he’s sure poems are written about. The ache in his shoulder from where Stiles bit him repeatedly. The ache in his ass from being fucked into the mattress. The ache in his hips from Stiles riding him like he was a bucking bronco. The ache in his jaw from deepthroating the boy’s generous sized cock like a fucking pro.

He was really proud of that last one. He feels next to him in the bed which was empty, but he still knows Stiles is in the loft, that he’s not alone. He hears rustling upstairs and sits up suddenly. He goes to the stairs and climbs them timidly, taking a moment at the top to breathe. He walks to the end of the hall and goes into the last bedroom on the left. Stiles is sitting crosslegged on the bed, holding a blond colored wolf in his hand. The wolf had red lips magic markered on it, and a doll sized leather jacket.

“I miss her, you know? We’ve had a lot of losses, Derek. But that one hurt in a new way, I think about her all the time. I was happy that you talked about her so often, it was like she never left.” Derek nods as he watches Stiles fidget with the doll. No one understands the impact of her loss like they do.

There was peace finally. The alpha pack was gone with Boyd as their trophy, the Nogitsune claimed Allison, but was finally caged. Peter was incarcerated on behalf of his megalomania, and the Dread Doctors were neutralized, but not without their own casualty. Scott organized everyone and they uprooted the nemeton, burning it and dumping the ashes into a lake deep in the woods. For a time after, they were able to live their lives in peace, finally. Until one day a pack of rogue hunters came into town for target practice, and the first victim was Erica.

Scott and Kira were out of town, the sheriff was at a conference and Derek and Stiles were left vulnerable. Derek had been shot and while Stiles was attending to his wounds, the nefarious hunters gunned down Erica like she was a dog in the street. She’d become Derek’s closest friend and family. She died in Derek’s arms with Stiles nearby trying frantically to find the right strain of wolfsbane.

About six months after she passed, whenever Derek got overwhelmed he’d see her, and somehow it made things better. It got to where he’d lean on the apparition like a crutch, and as long as he could be discreet no one questioned him. He wonders now if the same thing happened to Stiles.

A flash of red lipstick catches Derek’s eye and he turns to look towards the stairwell. Erica is there, hair blowing in the wind of the afterworld as she blows him a kiss goodbye and disappears.

Derek looks back at Stiles who’s staring at him sweetly. He walks into the room and sits on the bed next to Stiles, wrapping an arm around his mate’s shoulder. His mate who leans over and kisses Derek gently on the mouth.

“Lay with me in here for a bit?”

Derek nods and they both lie back; Derek holding Stiles, and Stiles holding _Erwolfca_. Derek kisses Stiles’ shoulder, closes his eyes and rests.

 

From that moment on, he dreams.

 

 

 

 

 

**Epilogue**

“Derek, no, wake up! Erwolfca wants you to knot me now that I’ve done enough research that I’m pretty sure I can’t get pregnant.”

“Oh god, she does, doesn’t she? Wait, did you research that on my phone? If my predictive text is all fucked up because of you-”

“You’re probably definitely on some watch lists now too.”

“I’ve made a huge mistake.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erica to Batman: You wanna cum on his beard  
> Stiles to Weregirl (TM pending): ‘Ca, no that's indecent!  
> Stiles to Weregirl (TM pending): I said I want to EAT cum OUT of his beard  
> Stiles to Weregirl (TM pending): Jesus Erica, learn how to listen
> 
> Erica to Batman: I hate you *hearteyes*
> 
>  
> 
> [](http://ficcindylan.tumblr.com/tagged/surfboard)

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave comments and kudos! Also, come hit me up on my [TUMBLR](http://ficcindylan.tumblr.com)!!


End file.
